There are times when recovering from an affair you need extra strength. One area where extra strength is needed is those times when the AP (Affair Partner) starts making their emotional pleas.
At those times, they say and do things that intentionally play on emotions. They play on emotions since they know that the facts and morals aren’t on their side. They will usually do anything to get the person back in their life, including making false promises.
It is during these times that those recovering from an affair must remain strong and not be swayed by these emotional pleas. The best way to handle them is to stay firm with boundaries and expectations.
Some of the most common emotional pleas that you’ll hear from an AP are things like:
– “I’m so sorry for what I’ve done, I know how much pain I’ve caused you. I can’t stand to see you in so much pain.”
– “I know that I’ve hurt you deeply.”
Morally, what they’re doing is wrong. Most AP’s know this. The ones that don’t are downright dangerous. When you’re doing wrong, you can’t talk about what’s morally right.
I also realize that there are some AP’s who sincerely believe they are doing God’s work. In those cases, they talk about morals and being holy, yet their actions send a whole other message.
Factually, when you have to hide a relationship and keep secrets, it’s not a healthy relationship. The secrets and lies add to the excitement, but they don’t make things right.
Living life with clandestine meetings and behind secrecy is the stuff of terrorists and trouble-makers. When they can’t be honest about what they’re doing, they’re likely doing something they shouldn’t.
Without having a moral compass or honesty concerning facts, all they are left with are high-drama emotions. This includes making threats and extreme statements about their love and the nature of their cheating with your spouse.
It’s at those times, that you need strength in not falling for their emotional pleas. They didn’t care about your emotions when the thing started. They didn’t show you consideration at that time.
Now they want you to hear their s.o.b. story (yes, I spelled sob as s.o.b intentionally). They’re hoping the tears or threats will soften your heart. You’ll hear about things being special, how their love is different and other glorification of the affair.
Such pleas are more about pacifying their conscience than anything else. They also may feel the need to get things off their chest.
This is one of those times, you have to HATE the affair. When you hate the sin, it energizes you in resisting their pleas and crying. I encourage you to stay strong during those times. Although you’re a good person, there are times, like these when you have to let the bitchy side of you show.
This also means you need a strong affair relapse plan in place. In my video on “Overcoming Affair Relapse” I deal with ways of reducing the risk. Your relapse plan will need to include ways of resisting the emotional pleas of the AP.
When they lay it on you, rest assured, they are laying it on your spouse even more. Start preparing yourself now for that danger.
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Keeping It Real,
Jeff
