One of the challenges that comes with the holidays is that of ‘loyalties’. When faced with multiple families and family commitments, it puts me in a ‘loyalty crisis’.
At those moments, I feel pulled in several directions at once. Each family exerts subtle and sometimes not so subtle pressures at those times. Each puts a claim on me and my time.
Dealing with conflicts in loyalties requires tact, communication and clear-headedness. When faced with a blended family, it requires even more of these qualities, since everyone has a sensitivity to real or perceived rejection.
The sensation of being caught in those ‘loyalty crises’ is uncomfortable and tense. You feel caught in an impossible balancing act.
I was reminded of these loyalty tensions on recently reading about the trial of a Navy Captain. Although his service was notable and exemplary, his marriage and home life were in shambles.
His life was filled with fighting, infidelity, domestic violence and drinking. His primary loyalty wasn’t to his marriage and family.
One statement made during that trial concerned how he never deceived or lied, he only chose ‘not to disclose’ incidents to his wife. When your spouse chooses ‘not to disclose’, it’s one of those indications that they’re in a ‘loyalty crisis’ and their primary loyalty is not to you or their relationship with you.
It’s also a sign that they’re playing games with you and themselves. They think they aren’t lying to you, just choosing not to tell you everything. In that decision, they are putting their loyalty ahead of your marriage.
Anytime you put things ahead of your family commitments, you’re creating the foundations for a loyalty crisis. All that verbiage about preferring you above all others is thrown out the window.
Those in service vocations often find themselves in ‘loyalty crisis’ situations where their profession or job comes ahead of you. In these cases, the JOB comes ahead of you and your needs.
Make no mistake, when the JOB calls, or someone at the JOB needs them, you lose out. When that happens, your marriage is compromised.
When the job is put ahead of your marriage, it triggers reactions similar to affairs. It’s no wonder those reactions are triggered. They have another love that they’re putting ahead of you.
At those times, you’re second fiddle and they expect you to be happy being second fiddle.
If you’re caught in one of these kinds of situations, the ‘30 Days to a Better Marriage Program’ can help improve things and start turning them around. Your marriage needs help and changing how the two of you deal with each other starts transforming the relationship.
Sign up for the program and start turning your marriage around. You don’t have to be second fiddle. You don’t have to find yourself on the losing end anytime there’s a loyalty crisis.
Those in service vocations can have a career and a healthy marriage when they learn how to handle loyalty crisis situations in a healthy manner, unlike the Navy Captain and his trial.
Sign up for the program today and start healing.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
