The other day I addressed an area where the affair specialist Esther Perel and I view things differently. She talks about ‘separateness’ and it’s importance. It’s important that you know where other affair recovery specialists separate in their views as well.
There are some views on relationships that I totally agree with her on. One is “The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships.” This is solid.
Another one of her views is that “It takes two people to create a pattern by only one to change it.” When it comes to relationships and couples, one person has a tremendous impact. You may not realize your own ability in changing things.
Even though you feel powerless or impotent, the reality is that you can change your relationships. You can change what you do, how you do it and the direction it goes.
You can change things even though you feel overwhelmed by them. Emotions have a way of distorting facts, including facts about your marriage.
Your emotions can have you believing things that aren’t true. They’re convincing, but deceiving at times.
Your own emotions can blind you to things that are happening, be they good or bad. Realizing that your own emotions may be lying to you is unsettling.
My own correlation to what she said is that “all it takes for bad patterns to continue in your marriage is to ignore them or do nothing about them.”
I realize that in order to change patterns, you first have to be aware of them. You have to be awake enough to notice what they are. When you see them, you can begin changing them.
In my “30 Days to a Better Marriage” program, I share ways of improving your marriage. Instead of having a marriage where the two of you put up with each other and tolerate things, you can have a better marriage.
Click and order the 30-day program where you can begin making small changes over the 30 days. Those small changes end up making a big difference in the quality of your marriage and the direction it’s going.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
