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It is shocking enough to discover that ones spouse has a lover, but imagine having another wife. In the case of Faye Miller of Michigan, it was not one wife, but two. She was shocked to discover that her husband of 10 years (Dr. Kenneth Mitchell) had two other wives. Although there were accusations of an affair at one point, he reassured his wife that that affair was over. The couple even went to counseling in the aftermath of that disclosure. As Faye continued recovering, she began investigating her marriage, which was filled with large periods of time when she was alone. Her investigation uncovered a betrayal worse than she could imagine.
Her husband had managed to have three wives in three separate cities. The event has gained attention in Michigan and across the border in Canada, where the doctor had one of his wives.
Faye only discovered this infidelity by google searches and going through phone records. To make matters worse, he had assumed another identity and changed religious affiliations without informing her of these changes. The couple had children together. Over the years, she thought that he was working at his other clinics or at medical conferences.
Situations such as this are difficult to comprehend. The extent of the lies and deception are astounding. Despite all the lies, the husband’s attorney insists that his client never intended to lead the women astray.(yeah, right!)
In such situations, feelings of betrayal at many levels occur. Given the amount of planning involved with such affairs, these were not happen stance or one night stands. This was a planned, deliberate pattern to deceive and hide the true nature of what was going on. It is tragic to think that such behavior could occur in any civilized nation.
This extreme situation is a clear presentation of how far some people will go to hide affairs (and other marriages). Those caught up in affairs are not beyond developing other identities, lying, or misleading their spouses. If you have an ‘unusual marriage’ where there are long periods in which you are alone, you may want to investigate things further, like Faye did.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
Affairs in the News, Dr Kenneth Mitchell, Faye Miller, three wives
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One of the recent commercials from the superbowl dealt with cheating. The commercial took a humorous angle on a topic that impacts too many homes around the world. The commercial acknowledges the role in jealousy in cheating. It also acknowledges how the third party often feels that they have done nothing wrong. The lover is often oblivious to what has been occurring (often, but not always). In another move which hits too close to many homes, was the accusation of the lover being a ‘milkaholic’. On one hand, issues of poor self-control often occur together. It is not unusual to find gambling, addictions and other self-control issues going hand in hand. Recall that even day trading has been used to cover gambling issues with a respectable veneer. Another truism present in the commercial is the accusations thrown at the lover. She is called a ‘milkaholic’, even though the boyfriend is the one being disloyal, possibly lying about his activities and not acknowledging his cheating behaviors.
I found myself laughing at the commercial, although in the back of my mind, I wondered is this life imitating fiction or fiction imitating life.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
addictions and cheating, addictions and commercial, cheating and commercials, super bowl, superbowl commercial, Uncategorized
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Like peanut butter and jelly, affairs and gossip often go hand in hand. The danger with gossip is that in situations where an affair did not happen, gossip can make it appear as if there was one. Gossip can create an affair out of thin air. It can create a compromising situation where none existed before.
On hearing news of an affair, it is important to consider the source and what was actually said. One of the things that leads to gossip (besides jealousy) is poor listening. When people do not listen closely, they do not hear what is being said clearly. The message that was only half-heard is then ’shared’ with others, leading to mis-communication. As simple as it sounds, just listening to what the facts are and what actually was said often helps. Rather than jump to conclusions or using words with double-meanings, listen to what was actually said and CONSIDER the source. Oftentimes the person who is the source of the material has issues. Those issues will need to be considered in the context of the gossip. Consider “What reason would they have to tell me this?” , “How do they benefit from this?”, “Do they have a reputation for telling the truth?”, “Have they spread rumors before?”
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
affairs and gossip, cheating and gossip, Reducing the Risk, Understanding Affairs
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Blackmail in its various forms is often found in association with affairs. Those who know what is truly going on often use that information to gain control or leverage over the target person or persons. Blackmail in many ways is a manipulative mind game in that the target person is never really free. They operate under the assumption that one day, once everything is paid, they will be free. The problem is that the debt is never paid. New excuses and new information are always being uncovered.
A classic con-game is for a female to lure an unsuspecting male to her home. While they are involved, the husband arrives and makes threats. In order to appease the husband and make things go away, money is paid. What the target (or patsy) did not realize is that the whole thing was a set up from the beginning. When sex comes too easy, it is often a set up undertaken in order to gain leverage on the target. The espionage community is very well aware of how sex is often a tool used to manipulate people.
In order to avoid those ‘unpleasant’ situations that can lead to blackmail, avoid ‘easy’ sexual situations. If it looks too easy, it probably is. The easy sex is the bait. Learn to recognize such traps and avoid them.
In order to escape from blackmail, run toward your fears rather than away from them. Be willing to face the truth and its consequences. The truth can be dealt with a lot easier than the lies. Blackmail never ends, so the only way to escape it is to face your fears and the truth.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
blackmail and affairs, con games and affairs, easy affairs, sexual blackmail, Understanding Affairs
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If sex is just sex, then why is it worse to have carnal relations in one’s home compared to a hotel? If one assumes that sex is just sex, then where it occurs makes little difference. The reality is that it does make a difference. Although many infidels do not openly respect the institution of marriage, they are aware of the sacredness of the marriage bed. The bedroom is a sacred place, and as such, should also be a place of safety and comfort. When the affair comes to the marriage bed, it poses a serious threat to the marriage. Having carnal relations in the marriage bed also makes the lover more aware of their ‘homewrecking ‘ status. They truly are a part of the home wrecking team. The lover often carries the label, even though the infidel had the greater role in the defilement of the marriage bed.
It does make a difference where one has carnal relations. When they occur in the marriage bed, the relationship is in trouble. Once matters get to that point, there is no respect of boundaries and institutions. Those engaging in such acts have turned so reprobate, there is little chance of turning things around. When an infidel sleeps in the marriage bed, it sends a STRONG message of rejection to their spouse. Much like a dog marking its territory, the defilement of the bed marks the territory of the infidel. In this case, the act states that ‘nothing’ is sacred. It turns the status of wife or husband into that of the slut or the cuckold. With that status, the relationship is no longer sacred, but rather animalistic sex. It becomes sex without love or caring. It is merely a biological process.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D Murrah
affairs and the marriage bed, cheating and the marriage bed, cuckold, marriage bed, slut, Understanding Affairs
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One of the words that can be used to express the feel and surroundings of a hotel room is ’sterile’. The rooms are often attractive, yet bland and un-engaging. They allow a person to rest without things being too home-like. Even in terms of rest, the rooms are more designed to be a place to stay overnight rather than being designed for a ‘good night’s rest’. Rooms contain the basic essentials, without all the little emotional touches that transforms surroundings from a house to a home.
Such environments are good for transacting business deals with the sterile surroundings. Although they may greet you in the lobby by name, for the most part, people are essentially known by their room numbers. When you call room service, you identify yourself as room 308. With all the impersonal surroundings, it contributes to affair situations developing. When an alcoholic is in recovery, they are told to avoid bars and clubs since those surroundings contain too many temptations. Likewise for an infidel, the impersonal, sterile culture of hotels contain temptations that many find it hard to resist.
Frequent travelers often comment on how the hotels in various cities begin to blur after a while. The rooms and environment are similar whatever city they are in. In such environments, the desire for human contact, and companionship are often more than they can bear. The hotel culture has its own dangers for those struggling with adultery. Knowing how to recognize the danger and minimize risks are important in avoiding affairs and temptation for affairs.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
culture and affairs, Hotel Culture and affairs, surroundings and affairs
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A truism regarding affairs is that no one, I repeat NO ONE is smart enough to be able to cover all their tracks. In a small town, it is exceptionally difficult. People recognize you driving through town, in the local eateries, at the local hotels. Not only do you encounter these people during the affair, you run into them at the church, grocery store, hardware store or post office during the regular weekday. They have seen you in action and now you have to see them in other settings. In the big city, much can be covered with a smile and polite nod, yet in small towns, you often find yourself in conversation with those people, and having to face them eye to eye. In the event you are not dealing directly with the people who saw you, since people talk, their associates likely know who you are and what you have been doing.
You may be able to hide the affair itself, but you will not be able to hide the tracks of where you went, who you were with, etc. Hiding your lover from your spouse is one thing, but hiding all your tracks is not so easily accomplished. On the internet, one can resort to track erasing software. Such software is not so readily available in real life.
Even you or your lover will have to visit their physician. Sexual activity will tell on you at the doctor’s office. There will be tell tale signs of what has been going on. Even when you keep those signs hidden, then you have to deal with the psychosomatic symptoms which develop from keeping those things hidden.
Be careful where you go, for there will always be tracks.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
affairs in a small town, cheating in a small town, doctors and affairs, Understanding Affairs
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Adultery (aka infidelity) is destructive to the spirit of the marriage relationship. Besides being destructive to the spirit of oneness in that relationship, it allows someone to come between you and your spouse. Adultery often involves secrets and lies. Adultery involves breaking promises and vows. In most cases, adultery involves deception and fraud as well. In some cases the person deceived is the spouse and in other cases, it is the lover.
Marriage as an institution precedes the legal systems man has developed. The importance of the marriage relationship existed prior to the Egyptian empire, Babylonia, the Mosaic Law, the Koran or the Bible. Although man has attempted making modifications to the institution, it has managed to survive despite those modifications. Adultery violates this institution. It goes against the legal systems developed by every major civilization that contributed to the advancement of humanity. Given its ancient roots, marriage has a profound place of importance. Adultery lessens the status of marriage. Adultery lessens the humanity of people, turning them into instinct driven animals.
The inter-changeability of adultery and infidelity as terms for this practice provides some indication of its roots. In cases of infidelity, they have left their spouse for another person, much like they have left one god for another one. They do not have an exclusive, intimate relationship with the person they made a vow to. By violating their vow, they degrade themselves and their spouse.
Although critics of monogamy want to blame God, the Mosaic law, or the Bible for their anger, the source of their discomfort precedes those systems. Adultery is a wrong that forces those practicing it to move away from civilization and toward barbarism. It takes humanity backwards.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
Bible and adultery, History of Affairs, infidelity, institution of marriage, Koran and adultery, Torah and adultery
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In posing the question, as to whether a person is vulnerable to infidelity, the short answer is “yes!“. In many ways, everyone is a potential infidel. No one is immune from an affair. The longer and more detailed answer also provides some insights. There are some common attributes that increase the susceptibility of one toward having an affair. These items include:
1. Lack of self-confidence
2. Has unment emotional needs.
3. Has a desire or need to be in control.
4. Has been disappointed with intimate relationships.
5. Feels hopeless.
6. Is tired (physically, emotionally or spiritually)
7. Is in pain (physically, emotionally or spiritually)
8. Lives an ‘overextended’, overcommitted or stretched lifestyle.
9. Has an addictive personality, that always needs or craves stimulation.
10. Often fantasizes about affairs.
These are 10 of the qualities which make a person more vulnerable to affairs. There are more factors, yet these ten communicate the basic ideas.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
10 signs of vulnerability to affairs, control issues and affairs, emotinoal needs and affairs, neediness and affairs, Reducing the Risk, Understanding Affairs
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When I discovered that my mom had an affair, I did not want to believe it. For a period of time I tried blocking it out of my mind. The nagging questions would not let me block it out as well as I would like. Questions like “How could she do this?” “Doesn’t she know any better?” “What was she thinking?” “Why him?” “How can she say that she loves me and do something like this?” went through my head. No amount of rock music could block it out.
When the time came that she initially talked about it. When I expressed my thoughts and feelings, she commented “Your just like your father!” and stormed out. I was left stunned and unsure of what just transpired. Although I was legally an adult, at that moment, I was as crushed as a boy who had just lost his puppy with it being run over. When betrayal and hurt happen within families, the hurt and pain go deep. Since the hurt and pain are deep, it often takes time, lots of time in order to bring healing to the hearts of those touched by the adultery. Although parents assume that their adult children ‘understand’, there is a massive gulf between ‘understanding’ and ‘forgiving’ or even ‘acceptance’ of what occurred. Such healing does not occur by osmosis or magically, it requires time and forgiveness. It requires honesty and acceptance of responsibility.
Just because your child is an adult, it is wrong to assume they will openly accept what has happened.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
adult children and affairs, adult children and infidelity, Affairs and Children, children and affairs
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