Fantasy plays a major part in affairs. Even when considering the role of the lover, fantasy plays a major factor. Fantasy provides the building blocks of constructing “a relationship that can never be”. Although there are many promises about what the relationship with the adulterer can be, the reality is that it will never be a long term relationship based on commitment. Statistically, a majority of adulterers will leave the lover (somewhere in the 70-80% range depending on the study). The odds that the affair will last are also against you. In most cases, affairs last about 15 months-2 years. Rarely does an adulterer leave their spouse for the lover and it last. Yes, there are exceptions, but the numbers do not support that type of fantasy.
Although images from movies like “An Officer and a Gentleman” where the hero returns and takes the lover away may be playing in the paramours mind, in most cases, such scenes do not happen. Yes, there are cases like Johnny Cash and June Carter where the affair turned into a marriage, but these situations are rare and they do not often last. The pain their relationship created was intense and long term. The affair at best is a short-term relationship without any long term commitments. In coping with the affair, it is important to tell oneself the truth about what it is and how slim the chances are that it will be anything else.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
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