The Swinging community is secretive, filled with passwords and ‘who you know’. Despite all the protections surrounding you getting into it, once you’re inside the swinger world, it becomes a small-cult like group that’s hard to escape.
You may even feel like you are ‘in a cage’. This feeling is even more intense when you are in a small town swingers group.
Small towns are bad enough when it comes to affairs. They’re filled with hushed rumors and stories whispered behind your back. When you mix swinging with small towns, the situation intensifies.
In previous generations, people talked about the ‘town whore’ and those men who ‘make the rounds’ with ‘any knothole’. Swinging may remove the negative stigma surrounding those old labels, but the roles still remain.
If you are not content with your spouse and feel that you need other lovers, the only thing that separates you from being the town slut or whore hound is that you hide behind the swinger label.
Somehow by calling what you do ‘swinging’, it makes it what you are doing more acceptable to yourself. By calling yourself a swinger, you come across as more ‘with it’ or ‘progressive’.
That label may remove the negative ideas that surround what you have been doing, but you are still being dominated by your desires or someone else’s desires.
You become a slave to those desires. Like a tyrant, when desire demands gratification, you are driven to satisfy it.
In a small town, the circle of people you can sleep with gets very small. The small circle means that you will run into them at the store, the post office or gas station. You are surrounded by reminders of who you are and what you do.
These reminders keep you in your place, and keep you from thinking. You think you are free, but the other prisoners constantly remind you of your true status.
I was reminded of this when a neighbor and myself discussed swinger communities in small town places like Plugerville, Texas (located outside of Austin). They are in small cities everywhere. Swinging is not just a big city thing.
You can change this. You can move past such a way of life. Just moving to the next town is not the answer. It starts with you saying “No”. No can be a very liberating word, especially when it comes to breaking out of the swinger community.
Everyone needs friends and love, yet when swinging gets mixed into those needs, desires and needs become confused and muddled. One need leads to another. The times that you just need attention or a shoulder to cry on are often turned into something else.
You don’t have to stay on the prowl all the time. Learning to say “no” begins the process of changing how you look at other men and women.
You can begin to see them for who they are and not their sexual performance or preferences. You can accept them for who they are without mentally undressing them. It’ll take some time. Each day that you say “no” to ‘the lifestyle’ is a day you increase the freedom of your mind and heart.
If you need more help in changing your swinger lifestyle, my “Affair Trauma for Swingers” video guides you through letting go of the memories and bad experiences.
Best Regards,
Jeff
