Have you ever considered what makes Elvis Presley so popular? Although he died in 1977, there are some people that continue fawning over him. He was extremely talented, yet in my mind his popularity is about more than his talent. Even today, the phrase, “Elvis has left the building” continues being heard.
One of my favorite restaurants, “Chuy’s” even has an Elvis Memorial Memorial Combo Dinner on its menu. It seems that the memory of Elvis will never be allowed to die.
In the seventies, I was more interested in other musicians than Elvis. Even though my parents saw him perform back in the 1950’s, I never felt that he was the be all and end all musician. At the time of his death, I was working at a grocery store. The manager of the store was devastated at the news of Elvis’s death. He was a huge fan.
Although I wasn’t an Elvis groupie, they intrigued me. What is it about him that continues captivating imaginations? In my mind it’s not so much his music, or his appearance, but instead, its’ the nostalgia that surrounds him. For many people Elvis represents a different time that they long for. That nostalgia often stirs up fantasies of going back in time to the days associated with Elvis.
I mention this in connection with affairs, since a large number of them have a nostalgic component. The old flame or the ex continue having a special attraction. The ex-spouses and old flames trigger reactions. The more positive associations with them, the greater the threat.
Sometimes even the slightest gesture by the old flames and exes re-activates old sensations. Since they predate your marriage, you have to deal with the ‘primacy effect’. The primacy effect concerns how the first time, or the earlier times you did a particular behavior has a stronger response in your nervous system than some of the later times.
When you combine the primacy effect with the lure of nostalgia, those old flames and exes are serious threats to the stability of your marriage. The nostalgia part concerns the fantasy of going back in time and ‘doing it over’ or ‘reliving’ enjoyable times. Since many spouses don’t consider cause and effect, they may romanticize the nostalgia and totally ignore any negative events that happened. They ignore ’cause and effect’ reasoning, since nostalgia is driven more by emotions than logical reasoning.
Competing with the combined whammy of the ‘primacy effect’ and nostalgia is challenging. If you ever wondered “What power do they have over your spouse?”, this combined whammy is the answer. It’s as if their memory and nervous system are working against you. Although dealing with it is a challenge, it’s not impossible.
This is also one of the reasons I discourage couples from allowing old flames or exes to be included on their friend list for social media. The “She’s just an old friend” makes it look innocent. That innocent looking connection often grows big fast. The cute innocent looking calf conceals the dangerous raging bull it will later become.
If you have made the mistake of allowing the old friends and exes back into your life, you’ll want to stay on top of the situation. If you’re unable to or the situation gets out of hand, you’ll want the “Affair Relapse” video, which deals with threats like this.
There are signs that the potential cheater gives off before an affair happens. These include emotional signs and behavioral signs. Knowing what to look for along with ways of dealing with those signs will help reduce the threat of those old flames and exes.
Best Regards,
Jeff
