When affairs take place in association with other addictive behavior, your biggest problem may not be the affair. When affairs occur in association with other addictive behaviors, chances are you are dealing with an addictive personality and their addicted brain. The addicted brain just wants stimulation, whether from drugs, gambling, day trading, sex or other activities. The brain wants to have some action. In the case of affairs, the secrecy, sex and drama provide plenty of ‘action’ or stimulation for the brain.
In the addicted brain, the person is used to a high level of stimulation. They will do almost anything to ‘keep their buzz (stimulation) on’. Many times they will include risk taking behavior to keep a constant edge. They may talk about the need to feel ‘alive’. What they are calling ‘alive’ is in actuality their attempt to keep the addiction going. They do not like facing life on life’s terms. They do not like a life without the exciting stimulation. They often find real life ‘boring’.
For such individuals, the big challenge is overcoming the addiction. In the process of overcoming the addiction, they have to ‘gear down’ their brain to a lower level of stimulation. It requires an adjustment in thinking, behavior, and associations. Many times the person with the addicted mind does not want to change their ‘playgrounds, playmates, and play toys’, but if they are going to return to health, it is required.
Knowing what you are dealing with is the first step to getting a handle on this problem. If your spouse is out of control with the affairs, and has other addictions to boot, you may need to consult with a professional that knows how to deal with addictive behaviors.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
