Although it seems counter-intuitive, I have seen more marriages ruined by happiness associated with affairs than unhappiness. When an affair occurs, many times one of the parties wants to seek a divorce so that they can pursue happiness. Somehow they do not realize that someone seeking ‘happiness’ is how the whole mess began in the first place. The ‘desire’ for happiness is then used by the hurt spouse as a reason for the dissolution of the marriage. Often times the mantra “I have a right to be happy” is used in justifying seeking the divorce instead of any kind of reconcilliation. Although the fantasy of seeking happiness gives the party seeking divorce something to believe in and hope for, the reality is that the “happiness dream” never delivers. I have seen drug addicts who know full well that drugs never deliver the high that the addict was looking for. Those drug addicts know that the drug won’t deliver the goods, yet they choose to get high so that they can ‘escape’ for a while. In the case of marriages, the drug of ‘seeking happiness’ is sought after, yet never delivers and those afflicted with it never recognize that they have been cheated.
The term “pursuit of happiness” has been twisted far from its original meaning. When it was used by the framers of the United States, they were referring to people seeking thier life’s fulfillment, not hedonism. Over the years, the term was taken from legal/political writings and applies to marriages, with the idea that the have “a God-given right” to be happy. Disgruntled spouses then use this percieved right to emotionally destroy a relationship and legally destroy a marriage or family all in the name of ‘happiness’. They believe they have a right to destroy in order to be happy. Arsonists could use that same excuse, yet people would see through it as a fallacy. If happiness in destruction is a fallacy for arsonists, why do people not see the fallacy of using the same excuse to destroy marriages and families?
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
