Affairs are often the most unfair thing that happens in a persons life. The same standards of behavior do not govern both spouses. In most cases I have seen, the man believes that he has a different standard of expected behavior than does the wife.
Jim had a long history of affairs while he was married. His frequent travels made it easy for him to have one night stands in many cities. Since he was charming, he was often able to persuade local women to enjoy his company. Although he knew what he was doing was not right, he attempted justifying it in terms of ‘human urges’ and since his wife did not know it would not hurt her. For years, he kept this secret side of his life hidden from his wife.
Things continued this way until Denise, his wife started developing a close relationship with another man over the computer. He was always willing to listen, while Jim was away. When Jim discovered the situation, he went into orbit. He raged about how could she do this to him. It did not matter that she did not have physical relations, the mere fact that she talked with another man was a threat to him. He even began invoking religious references to condemn his wife’s actions, which only made her guilt worse.
Situations like Jim and Denise are common. In order to sort through things, many issues will need to be sorted out and discussed. Situations like this are not fair, not right and not honest.
Honesty was dead long before the spirit of the marriage was.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
