It is darn near impossible to argue with someone who is listening to you. Likewise if you listen, really listen to your spouse, it will be hard for them to start an argument or fight. In the aftermath of an affair, many couples find themselves caught up in attack-defend-let me explain myself mentality rather than actually listening to what their spouse is saying. This chaotic cycle of fighting is worsened by the images that many couples use as their role models for how couples should address the problem. If couples would quite using movies and television for inspiration and instead focus on listening and understanding each other, many problems of chaos would disappear. The “Affair Recovery System” presents many ways to improve your ability to listen along with what not to say in the midst of such chaos. A common mistake is to speak one’s mind only to find that no one was listening to it.
You cannot argue with someone who listens to you. You may want to give it a try. Rather than defend, correct or otherwise make excuses, try listening.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
