A tough question some of you are struggling with is whether or not you should tell them about your affair. The fact that you are struggling with it should tell you something. If you were totally at peace with it, it would be a non-issue. You may find a counselor or ‘expert’ who thinks that it is best not to say anything, perhaps with the adage “what they do not know won’t hurt them”. Such adages sound nice, but they are not true. Your spouse likely does know, if not about the affair, they know that there is a secret you are hiding. They know that there is a part of you that is sealed off from them. When they come up with their own answers to what you are hiding or what it is that you are keeping from them, their imagination may come up with something that you never considered.
It boils down to whether or not you want open and honest communication in your marriage. If you want honesty and openness, then tell them about the affair. Yes, it will hurt. It is an admission that who they thought you were is not who you are. They have been believing a lie, and you let them. Honesty often hurts, although in the long run, it provides you with a stronger foundation than the one where you try to ‘protect them’ from the truth. They may not know the details, but they know whether or not your heart is with them 100%.
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Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
One Response
Yes, and if there had been an acknowledgement of the necessity to be open ….aka “naked and not ashamed’ in the first place …practicing honor this way would alleviate a lot of stress for both.
It was the hiding in the early years and insistence of having an independent identity …life that grew to be more than this…it created their own “need’ for outside relationships!
KEEP the openness going ! it is only right and fair to this other human being you have been wed and promised to !
NOTHING one spouse does is harmless to the other….they twain are indeed ONE flesh …