There are some relationships having a large trust component. These include the relationship between secretary and boss, nurse and patient, student and teacher, and parishioner and pastor.
When a cheater abuses the trust in those relationships, the relationship becomes exploitative. Besides being based on trust, these relationships also have a disproportionate power and status element.
One party has to trust the other one, and often admires or respects the other. Since cheaters often do not know how to handle admiration, they are vulnerable in these kind of relationships.
There’s a big difference between admiration/respect and lust. Non-cheaters are aware of those differences.
For the cheater, they often can’t see those differences. In their mind, someone is interested in them, and that excites them.
They use these relationships in gaining access to others. The cheater may be either in the high power position or the low power position. Either position can be used for seduction.
The cheater uses the trust as an enhancement to the seduction. They sexualize a relationship that depends on trust. When the relationship becomes ‘sexualized’ it becomes a tremendous turn on for them, which they find hard to resist.
When you read about teachers seducing their students, or pastors seducing parishioners, this is what is going on. It is also common for the seduction and adultery to occur going in the other direction as well, with students seducing teachers and members of the congregation seducing their pastor.
There was even a recent case where young soldiers were exploited by someone of higher rank at Fort Hood, Texas.
Men and women in positions of influence are often vulnerable, either in misusing that influence or having it used against them. Many spouses had no intention to cheat until they were in such positions.
It’s not accidental that well-intentioned people change once they are in political office or positions of influence. Trust is powerful.
When people trust you, they put confidence in you. They will often do what you tell them to without question. That kind of influence carries with it a tremendous burden of responsibility.
If you are in those positions, you may have to go out of your way to protect yourself from being exploited and exploiting others.
What can you do to prevent trust relationships from turning into affairs? First, you need to maintain open communication with your spouse. This includes even talking about who they hire and work with.
You will also need to encourage your spouse to avoid situations where they are at high risk for temptation, such as late night meetings, travel, or meeting alone with members of the opposite sex.
Something else you can do is reclaim a healthy definition of trust. In the video “How Can I Trust You Again?“, you’ll discover what healthy trust is. You’ll also discover what the ingredients are for healthy trust and ways of improving them.
The more you know about trust, the better you’ll be able to resist being exploited or taken advantage of.
Best Regards,
Jeff
