Since today is Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to show your spouse that you love them. Do not assume that telling them is enough. You need to show them that they are loved and valued. When you are all talk, they see through that. Today offers the opportunity for patching many things up. Since there is an openness to forgiveness and re-igniting love, today is a good day for starting over. You can choose to hold that hurt or choose to do something about it. Hurting your spouse will not endear you to them. Nagging them will not make them want to draw closer to you.
If you are negative, you may have a good reason for it. You need to ask yourself if holding onto the hurt is helping your marriage. Is what you are doing bringing healing? If it is not bringing healing, you may want to consider doing something different.
Reconciling does not mean that you approve of what they did or that they approve of what you did. It means that the two of you are willing to work at your relationship again. You are willing to rejoin the relationship and work on things. In working at reconciliation, remember that LISTENING is more important that talking.
Some other things that will help:
1. Look to the future rather than dwell on the past.
2. Assume responsibility for what you feel. Hold your spouse responsible for what they feel
3. Look for solutions rather than blame
4. Let them know what they mean to you.
5. Give them room and time to make changes. That does not mean that ‘anything goes’, it does mean that life does not happen on your time table.
6. Listen with your heart as well as your ears
7. Listen rather than defend!
8. Listen rather than argue!
9. Listen rather than blame! Listen for what you can build on rather than what you can argue with.
Best Regards and Happy Valentine’s Day,
Jeffrey Murrah
