I’m sure that many of you want to get the cheater out of the fog that they have been in regarding the affair. When they are at home, they are not ‘at home’.
The first place to start in getting them out of the fog is to start with you. You need to get out of your own fog before you can see events clearly enough to lead them out. A big mistake is when you try getting them out before you get yourself out.
So what does it mean for you to get out of the fog? It means that you will need to see the affair for what it is. It means looking at it objectively rather than taking it all personally. When you take it as a personal attack (which it is) your tendency will be to attack the cheater personally as well.
Making personal attacks, even though it may make you feel a little better, does little to bring the cheater back or restore intimacy to the marriage.
You will need to be clear on what you know versus what you assume. You will need to be aware of your own feelings and accept responsibility for them rather than blaming the cheater for what you feel. If you blame them for what you feel, they will blame YOU for what they are feeling and doing.
Once you gain clarity on what you know and what you are feeling, then you can begin talking about the fog with your spouse.
Best Regards,
Jeff
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