The decision about whether you can forgive or even want to forgive can be agonizing. I recently wrote a brief article dealing with this issue which addresses the topic in greater detail than this format easily allows. It is realistic for you to debate this whole issue. Here are some key points to keep in mind when you consider forgiveness.
Forgiving too soon is problematic.
Thinking that you can forgive the affair and the cheater is a mistake.
Forgiveness is a process which you may have to forgive, forgive, forgive and then forgive some more.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
2 Responses
To forgive takes knowing WHAT it is that is in need of being forgiven ..thus so many who have discovered infidelity need information
The infidel may not even realize the many faceted aspects of infidelity …to say ‘ I ‘ m sorry I committed adultery ‘ is too simplistic for many whose hearts and minds have been fractured by the discovery or the reveal.
I was thinking of this as we read in scripture about forgiving seventy times seven …I think it is because our whole life as we begin to follow the Lord becomes one lengthy revelation of the depth of our existence as it has been lived apart from the Lord .
The main loss Adam and Eve brought upon us was our connection to the Lord …and with their treasonous rebellion man came under the oppression of the devil who told Jesus that HE had the world and it’s systems ‘delivered’ unto him
He is limited by GOD in what he can do …but if he can get a person to sin …he gains an entrance into their minds to influence…WORDS are the way GOD delivers his spirit and wisdom into our lives….so the devil also uses mental images and words to convey his stealth influences into the thinking of people devoid of the word of GOD
The exhortation for man to study and seek in the word to put on that mind of Christ is most important for us to be able to spot the difference between a godly thought that points us in the direction of life through making godly choices …or without that word in mind we are thus at the behest of various world view that seem ‘right ‘ but lead to death …even as the word tells us .
Forgiveness is a product of realizing how we have been thinking and acting are not according to God’s will or way…and then …if we CARE about pleasing GOD and realizing his wonderful rescue mission carried out by Jesus …we then are brought to see how these erroneous actions and thoughts based upon our flesh have been harmful to us and other …and painful and sorrowful to GOD
Thus we are continually being shown areas throughout our walk that we need to express to GOD our sorrow for how short we have fallen and how great the love of GOD has been as he has been longsuffering
To forgive as it seems we are required to do …according to scripture also requires some understanding of what forgiveness does in the length of things…
For me it is ongoing …it is difficult as each new revelation about the infidelty and a new facet of understanding is coming forth
To remember the ways deception before understanding the truths I am often having corrected as I stay tuned to the word of GOD …is helpful.
The harder thing to get my head around is that my husband KNEW truth in most of the basic ways that would be necessary to have avoided being involved but in HIS case he willfully , with knowledge made a decision and plan to gain and keep a mistress.
I find it very difficult to do what GOD apparently will not do …which is to allow someone who sins deliberately with knowledge and understanding to ‘go free’ to do it all again .
Yet his understanding of the pain his actions WOULD cause did not stop him from making arrangements and continuing to do this for 14 years along with planning to have children due to her urging him ..and guilting him …he went along with the briniging of those children into this .
I feel like all the time I was working to train up children for the kingdom of GOD ..my husband went out and made oppositions to the kingdom …actually bringing more enemies of the cross and his own family into the world
I realize we cannot know for sure they will end up opposing the Lord ultimately but so far there is little to observe in how they are being educated or raised to turn them toward the Lord ..on the conttrary they have been in a schooling that is deliberately intentional about training them to receive a devil spirit ..if you read up on Rudolf Steiner’s philosophy.
My husband seems to think of children like ‘puppies’ ,,cute , resiliant but not fully human beings.,..his actions and decisions have such depth of effect upon everyone and he is not capable or seems to be not willing to do any deeper since to learn more truth about his sinful lifestyle would break him …JUST what the word of GOD is intended to do .,.to BREAK THE HEART …so it can be good soil for the incorruptible seed of the word to find a place to be engrafted.
The one requirement for one to receive the word of GOD is to be meek …to have a broken heart and a contrite spirit…to see the NEED for what the Lord has offered,
If one has seen it …and acknowledged that need but decided that GOD does not exist or is a contrivance of the human being as many are now led to believe then they have cut themselves assunder from all restraining aspects of the conscience,..,and thus …nothing and no one can tell them anything that they do not want to hear.
Thus my husbands’ upbringing from parents of that same mindset ..thus the life of the children of adultery is one that challenges me to believe in their ultimate turning to the Lord …but I pray for them for that to come about at some point ….after all GOD is Lord over all .. I do not believe in predestination as God is not a respecter of persons and the criteria for coming to Him in believe is to HEAR the word of GOD and believe it .
If people are trained up to rebel and reject the Lord from birth ..to be hardened against being taught or to accept what offends their flesh it is harder apparently for them to receive with meekness the engrafted word that is able to save their souls
Thus I have tried to exhort my husband to take up the word once again to allow it to confront him …but as he seems contented to continue in his decisions to act independent of any godly protocol …he is going to continue to sow and reap accordingly
Religion has done much damage to the understanding of mankind toward God …God is still loving and kind enough to allow a lifespan but the urgency for man to take up the task of seeking GOD is in the realm of the man’s free will and is now subjected to the assaults upon that free will by the god of this world who Christ defeated but which freedom from slavery to that god of this world is impingent upon human beings being not only aware that they can escape the tyranny of the devil but MUST take it upon themselve to heed the inner witness of their conscience ..and the outer testimony of creation that GOD has declared leave man now without excuse for not seeking him with all the heart..all the soul and all the mind and strength so that HE WILL be FOUND …by those who do so .
Forgiveness is ongoing for our own past ignorant or willful disobedience to seek that we may NOT have a cover or excuse that someone elses walk or doctrine caused us to leave off the search to learn of GOD and from GOD …but we all have our own response ABILITY toward seeking HIM who has stated that IF we will seek and keep on seeking we WILL FIND HIM …and thus His mercy allows us the time to do so ,.,rather than his righteous judgment pronounced and exposed to us through the word .,..that would grind us to POWDER instantaneously should he not have loved us …
Mercy allows us the time to seek him , grace provides us with the ability to learn of and from Him
Zaza,
Forgiveness is difficult. Adultery along with all other sin brings separation. Separation from your spouse, your God, your children and yourself. Forgiveness is a key element in overcoming that separation.
In terms of Rudloph Steiner, I am not familiar with his work.