You have questions that you want answers to. With all the questions that you have, it only seems reasonable to expect that the cheater answer them and answer them honestly. Although you expect honest responses, you may want to consider whether you are being honest with them in posing the question. If you ask a question, you have to allow them the time and space to answer the question. Rushing to answer the question for them, interrupting them when they are responding to you or hitting them with another question before they answered the first one are sure ways of frustrating and shutting down your spouse. Once they are shut down, you may consider them ‘unresponsive’ or unable to communicate. The reality may be that you have not allowed them to communicate. You may not like what they have to say, yet when you expect honest responses, you have to be willing to hear them out.
The most important part of the communication may be the silence that you give them after asking your question. Rather than rush in to break the tension of the silence, you need to allow the silence to do its work. Many people use the silence to put together their thoughts. Just because they are silent does not automatically mean that they are not listening to you or do not hear what you have to say.
Your silence may speak louder and accomplish more than any complaining, griping, lecturing or preaching that you think that they need.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
One Response
Hard as it is this is true….a blank ‘canvas’ of silence actually may put ‘pressure’ or better put…it puts the ball in their court….eventually they may share .SOMETIMES this works with my husband …and more and more it seems if there is trauma with the children of the OW going on he may share with me….when he is feeling like he doesn’t know what to do .
We got an email from the girl …the first one ever ….she has issued a warning …she has been distributing ‘restraining orders’ to all of her classmates….He thought it was a joke but tonight she sent this to his email address for him to see….it has listed all of her classmates names and then warns them “Please remain at least 10 feet away from me….and then in parentheses it said[” ‘especially if you are trying to kill me!!!!!]”
I am wondering if this is a cry for help …or just to get more attention …both of the children are being seen by a therapist….as their mother ..the OW has been in therapy long before she began her adultery with my husband ….so I wonder if there is any reason for our family to be concerned or if this is a red flag alert that is more than just a 13 year old’s way of getting attention.
I am not sure what to do …but pray …
I know that with someone like the OW who has many ways to manipulate people that there is no reason to ignore that the children may be effected by the way her personality and life choices would effect their thinking too .
Sigh…thanks for including our family in your prayers if you would please.
People need to THINK about all of the damage their ‘freedom ‘ does to others…..so sad for the children in all of this .