One of the consequences of the degradation of the institution of marriage and the authority structure withing the family is that many marriages have become nothing more than a relationship of ‘vagrant concubinage’. This ‘vagrant concubinage’ impacts both men and women. Two adults hook up for a period of time with the blessings of some authority. There is a loss of respect for wives and for the husbands. When you have a concubinage marriage, is should not come as a surprise when your spouse strays. When that happens you jump into action and work at getting your spouse back, as if they were a piece of property. With a concubinage mentality, you only want them back due to them being your property or someone who you are supposed to have ‘exclusive rights’ to. In such a case, the suffering is about loosing something that belonged to you, rather than grieving for how your spouse violated their promise, their vows before God and man.
When you are upset about the affair, is it a matter of grieving for the moral wrong that your spouse did and the bad example they have been or is it a matter of you not wanting to share them with others. Your answer will indicate whether you still believe in the institution of marriage or whether your marriage was a form of vagrant concubinage. If you are just the latest spouse in a long line, you are in a vagrant concubinage. If you have gone through a series of spouses yourself, you may need to seriously consider if you really believe in marriage or if you are into the concubine mentality.
Affairs for the concubine relationship are a natural occurrence. Each party looking for someone more desirable to ‘mate’ with. The relationship becomes totally about sensuality and better breeding partners.
Marriage, on the other hand is a special relationship that has rules and guidelines. The marriage vow is serious, with serious consequences. Treating it lightly or recklessly is dangerous. The relationship vows are made before God and others. Those vows are taken seriously. Each person who witnessed those vows has a responsibility to do what they can to remind you of your promise and help you fulfill it. You are making a vow that carries with it generational consequences. It is a covenant that can not be broken and re-negotiated like a business deal.
One of the ways to get your spouse to take your marriage serious is for you to start taking it serious yourself. It starts NOW.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
