Resentment is one of the feelings that you will find yourself having to wrestle with in the aftermath of an affair. Resentment is one of those areas where there are few people who are willing to help you deal with or even understand resentment. In dealing with resentment, one of the first questions is whether or not it is wrong. Resentment is the natural response to when you feel that you have been unjustly wronged or your self-preservation is endangered. Since there is often a thin line between resentment and revenge, it is worth taking time out to address ‘righteous resentment’.
Revenge takes the offense and initiates attacks, while resentment is defensive in nature. Revenge is long lasting, while resentment is temporary. Revenge often includes elements of pride, selfishness and malice, while resentment focuses on self-preservation and pushing back to reduce the level of suffering.
Both revenge and resentment are painful and try your soul. During the trying of your soul, these feelings often strengthen. They also change your focus and attentiveness. You may find yourself with tunnel vision during those times. Don’t freak out about that. The tunnel vision associated with revenge and resentment is natural. You need the focus and the energy that focus brings. That energy is there so that you can take action once your focus discovers what it needs to.
So, to sum up, it is not wrong to be resentful. When the resentment turns to revenge, you are in a risky place. The narrowing of your focus is natural and its purpose is to help you take action, not to be a target for revenge or a source for you to drink, sex or drug it up in order to block the pain.
This should give you a better understanding of resentment.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
