It is popular to hear about people taking stands. Even though there is much said about standing with ‘x’ or standing with ‘y’, when it comes to your marriage, what does it mean to take a stand? At the basic level, it involves choosing to believe that your marriage is not over. It also means believing that it is worth saving.
Once you take a stand, even one for your marriage, you will be tried and tested. You may hear people tell you that your spouse is more trouble than he or she is worth. In some cases, especially those where there has been violence or abuse, they may not be worth it, or worth endangering your life or your children’s lives. Even taking a stand on those issues can be difficult. When you are used to giving in rather than taking steps to protect yourself, breaking old habits is hard.
You may hear about how terrible your spouse is or that you deserve better. You likely do deserve better, yet when you take a stand you are consciously choosing to work on your marriage rather than move on. The testing will come in many forms and shapes. It may come in the form of time, where things are taking longer than you would like. It may come in the form of well meaning people who attempt getting you to ‘fight fire’ with fire and have an affair yourself. They may call it ‘dating’, but when you are still married, it is an affair.
When you take a stand, there may be times when you feel alone. My own experience is that the firmer the convictions and stronger the stand, the more alone you may find yourself feeling. During such times, you may have to remind yourself that feelings can be deceptive. Although you feel alone and without support, there are often sources of support and encouragement that you do not see or are aware of. Just because you feel alone does not mean that you are. During such stressful times, feelings can deceive you.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
One Response
Dr DrJeff, (And friends!)
Sorry so long since I have checked in!
Just wanted to say “Thank you!” and then some! This post and all the others are so strengthening!
As for myself, I am so blessed to have around me only ones who support our Creator’s view of sex and marriage. Thankfully, no one has suggested I have a revenge affair, as all of my friends realize it is God’s laws that would be broken. To lower oneself to the level of the adulterer by also breaking God’s laws has never brought happiness to anyone. (Two wrongs still do not make a right!) Taking a stand on God’s side, for God’s requirements, is always the best way!
However, I realize so very many are not aware of or are not living by God’s laws and therefore choose all the wrong ways of dealing with trials and traumas in their lives. (‘Learn what you live’ ring a bell here?) Therefore, all of these posts from you can help those struggling with the sorrows of affairs to learn better ways to react and respond to life’s insanities, ways that bring joy, happiness and healing rather than compound the horrors.
Once again, thank you for your love towards all of us dealing with these insanities.
Love to Peggy….love to ZaZa……Love to all…..