In moving past the affair, there will be days where you are hit with disappointment. Disappointments
often leave you feeling discouraged. It is not by accident that the term “knock the wind out of your sail” is often associated with disappointments. The momentum and hope that you had is suddenly gone. When that happens there is a sensation of setback and loss.
So how can you deal with such disappointments. First, acknowledge them. A common mistake is to act like it was ‘no big deal’ and deny the impact. Do not deny the impact. It hurt, it saddened you, it left you feeling let down. Leaving the disappointment unacknowledged, often allows it to work behind the scenes in your emotions. When you acknowledge it, the disappointment is out in the open and can be dealt with. You may have to tell yourself, “Well, that did not work the way I planned”. Then get up and do what you need to do. In sports, athletes often miss shots in basketball, drop passes in football and miss catching the ball in baseball. They shake it off, and get ready for the next play. You need to learn from their example and do the same. No athlete, not even the professionals are perfect in their performance. You will not be either. Expecting perfection is setting yourself up for even MORE disappointment. What is important is that you have not given up.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
4 Responses
Hi Jeff,
Your analogy of the athlete was a good one. I think in Christ we have the same exhortation and we have the warning that we may expect to have disappointments in this life and in the world ..but in Christ we are assured that HE will not disappoint us ….so we continue to continue as we follow Him
This truth was not unknown to my husband in the Word nor any kind of strange ideology as he was in sports most of his youth and young adulthood. It was practices in his business but when it came to his life and marriage he did not apply it .
I think in some sense pride and entitlement seemed to take this credo away in terms of loving his wife and being faithful. It is also odd that once he was involved in his sinful choices he kept on doing that instead of getting a grip and stopping ..turning around and going back to put more effort into his marriage relationship and family.
He gave much thought to his way of ‘covering up’ what he was doing . He is very intelligent in all ways ..having also been a psych major in college…yet he was determined NOT to be a godly man or even learn about it …HE seemed to feel he was ‘good’ and then whatever HE decided was ‘good ‘ despite the way it caused the losses to his own life and all of us .
This is what I see as the deep deceptive quality of sinful choices that lead people to willfully do what they know is wrong.
Thrilling for the time being but very costly ..and that is what all kinds of ‘thrills’ cost…..at length.
To me is was just not worth it …but in some ways I think he still thinks he is entitled to live however he wants…Just because he does not DO the sin of adultery any more does not mean he is not violating our marriage and me and our family …NOW he insists upon living a ‘separate life’ because that is what he ‘desires’ …for himself .
ALL of us have to stand aside while he does this …
I know many who exhort me to go out and live my own life …but that is not what I got married to do ..and if I was single I would be ‘out’ and about …but now I am older and it is less likely that I want to be out alone….for a number of reasons….So I lived my life awaiting my husband to care for me and to be with me …and now even though he has no ‘alternatives’ he has still opted out to be alone …not even caring for taking our daughters out ….selfish living works like leaven apparently ….sad.
Zaza,
I am glad that you found the metaphor helpful. I was struck by your comment, “I know many who exhort me to go out and live my own life“. Sadly, this kind of situation occurs with many people. At a time when you need support and encouragement, they are actually advising taking steps to weaken your marriage and family. Many of those giving that kind of advice are well meaning and do not want to see you hurting. They often do not realize what they are advocating poses a threat to their own marriages as well. When a spouse stands for recovery, it is often shocking at how many are opposed to repairing marriage.
Yes,,,One or the reasons we need to be persuaded of the Word of GOD and the purpose of the things the Lord says.
To me I took vows that I did everything I could find out how to fulfill. It is just hard to live in marriage by yourself.
I know people mean well but some just adhere to the doctrine of the world which says ” It’s my life’ or ‘ you only live once , grab all the gusto while you can’ or some such beer commercial philosophy.
The Bible also says we live once…” IT is appointed unto man ONCE to die ..and THEN the judgment” if one does not believe there is a God to account to for how we live then anything goes.
I have an idea that if I don’t stand for my marriage and pray for my husband then who will?
He may be the head of the household as the Bible says a husband’s head is Christ …but if he stops hearing from the Lord or turns away …then I am thinking I am to stand anyway.
Ecc 4:10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but WOE TO HIM THAT IS ALONE WHEN HE FALLETH; for he hath not another to help him up.
Ecc 4:11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?
Ecc 4:12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
I believe Jesus will help the willing when he reaches to help them out of the ditch but somehow perhaps prayer of those who pray for the lost are part of the solution . Especially since we in marriage vow for better or worse.
In some ways …those who fall into the sin of adultery are deceived. blind and halt….that is also part of ‘sickness and health’ perhaps.
Anyway I have invested my vow …that is that …it is part of the vow of confessing Jesus as Lord for my eternity and from here to there, I suspect there are many things which are useful to teach me ..painful though they may be ….it is the ones you love deeply who may wound you the most ….
I think that false teachings are also useful for harming people when they fail …as those who practice things taught as the Truth from the Word but find them to not be what GOD has said …are turned away sometimes from GOD when it was the false things they bought into because they were not continuing in the Word to be taught of GOD .
A good reason to not blame God when we are hit by some consequence but we need to trust Him and seek to learn where we went wrong…either in having believed false doctrine or misunderstood…in any case continuing to Study the Word ….to be a workman and to not be ashamed as we need to be approved not by man but by GOD will prove that GOD is right and anything else is not.
Psalm 119 supplies us with plenty of truth regarding the scriptures as the truth …despite what skeptics with alphabet identity from man behind their names which they believe gives them authority to twist the Word …but GOD ….always remember “But GOD….”!!
Gal 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
Amen, He truly is faithful.