In going through the research on narcissism for an upcoming e-book on narcissism and affairs, it became very clear to me that many writes and researchers can not see the forest for the trees. In discussing the challenges about narcissism and dealing with narcissistic clients, they report numerous affairs and sexual licentiousness, yet never make a connection between the two. I recognize that they are focused on dealing with narcissistic personality disorders and are focused on the source of the problem along with how it impacts the thinking of those suffering with it. Although the affairs are right in their face, they never identify that as a problem. I can assure you that the husband or wife of the client sees it as a problem.
Perhaps there is something about the communities where the researchers live and their value systems. There are many places where affairs are viewed as ‘normal’ or expected behavior. That lackadaisical attitude is often seen UNTIL it happens to them. Then affairs are seen as a problem. When their wife, husband or child starts sleeping and cheating, then they wake up. As long as the one sleeping around is their client or friend, then no alarm bells are sounded. They often view it as someone else’s problem. Affairs are not someone else’s problem when they happen in your community. When marriages and families break up, it impacts everyone who lives around them either immediately or down the road, but it will impact them.
The researchers are so focused on how the person thinks, and how they grew up, and how it relates to the theories of dead researchers. They do not see how what the client is doing NOW is a threat. Affairs are a threat, not merely a side effect symptom. Marriages are the foundational relationships to society. Actions that threaten that foundational relationship weaken society as a whole. By not seeing the forest for the trees, they give tacit approval to the destruction going on.
When communities do not view affairs as a threat it is often due to them keeping secrets about affairs.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
