If you were unfortunate enough to have an adulterous parent you have questions.One of those is “Will my parents affair impact me?”
The answer to that one is “Yes!” Your parents affair will impact you. It shapes your adult life in many ways.
One is through influencing how you interact with members of the opposite sex. This influence may spread into your views of marriage and your own sexual identity.
The real question is “To what degree will my parents affair impact me?” Although it’s an awkward question, it gets more to the real issues. You want to know HOW it will impact you and how much it will impact you.
The answers depend on many variables, including how old you were when the affair happened, whether or not you knew what was going on, how you discovered the affair, the stability of your family, the kind of support system you had, family patterns of affairs and the nature of the relationship you had with your parents.
Your response in each of these areas reflects an area of impact. It will impact how you feel about yourself, how you handle your emotions and your ability to trust.
Don’t be surprised when you have trouble trusting. You may develop a love/hate relationship with members of the opposite sex. Some of you may even show some promiscuous tendencies.
As a child you need the love of both parents. You’ll find a way to get that love. What you find may or may not be healthy ways of satisfying the need for connection and affirmation.
Although you need the love of both parents, it’s affections of the opposite sex parent that is critical. Their affections shape how you gain affections of the opposite sex.
Another question that should be asked is “How did your parents handle the affair with you?” Since many parents either ignore of downplay the affair, the issue was probably not resolved, leaving you with the emotional garbage to handle on your own.
How they resolved the issue shapes how much the affair will impact you. The amount of emotional garbage left behind for you to clean up is a key factor.
The degree to which you had to deal with their garbage is a measure of impact. If you were their confidant, their rescuer or the one who called first responders in crises, you’ve been impacted in a major way.
It may have been your parents affair, yet it impacts you. They created the mess that is now in your lap.
With that in mind, “What are you going to do about it?”
One thing you can do is start understanding affair recovery. Your influence could be the determining factor in them getting the help they need.
The downloadable “Affair Recovery Workshop” can guide them through that part of their journey. It could also help you with the sections on changing the family patterns associated with the affair.
The impact of the affair will continue spreading until action is taken. Helping them through recovery also helps you. They still need healthy relationship with those around them, which includes you.
Best Regards,
Jeff
