A reader posed the question “Can a marriage survive an affair?” The simple answer is “yes”.
If your marriage couldn’t survive an affair, I wouldn’t be counseling or even having a blog like this. Many hardships and challenges, like affairs can be survived.
The affair changes your marriage. It won’t be the same. You and your spouse will not be the same people.
Your marriage will NOT be the same after an affair. The whole foundation and nature of your relationship changes. If it doesn’t, you’ll have more of the same problem.
An affair means that both of you’ll have to re-evaluate the nature and basis of your marriage. You’ll have to consider what marriage means to each of you.
You’ll have to consider what your spouse means to you.
You’ll also have to consider how much you’re willing to put up with. An affair brings changes. Those changes may be more than you’re willing to accept, tolerate or put up with.
You’ll find out what ‘commitment’ means to you.Commitment becomes a way of life rather than something that’s only talked about.
You’ll find out how much ‘honesty’ you can actually handle. You may think that you can handle 100% honesty. When your spouse gets that honest, will you be able to stay in relationship with them?
Since affairs are very ‘personal’ matters, you may find yourself taking what happened as a personal attack. You’ll have to recover from the damage. Some spouses can recover, some never forgive.
Are you one of those who chooses never to forgive what has been done?
If you choose never to forgive, then your marriage will have a hard time surviving an affair. You will have a hard time surviving an affair.
If you need help with forgiveness, the video, “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks” will help. It guides you through what all is involved along with how it’s done.
If you choose to get even, you’ll only magnify the pain and spread the hurt to who know how many others. You may feel good about venting your spleen, but at what cost?
Who will end up being hurt by you getting even (or revenge)?
These are a few of the ways you and your marriage will change. If you love your spouse, you will find out how much. You will discover how deep your love truly is. You will have to back up all those things you have said.
So, yes, your marriage can survive an affair, but you will never be the same.
Best Regards,
Jeff
