Peer pressure is very real. It is only natural for you to want to ‘belong’ and ‘fit in’ to a social group. Peer pressures you to conform, either toward good behavior or bad behavior.
The group rewards desired behaviors and discourages unwanted behaviors. The intensity of the pressure often varies from group to group, and what social setting you are in.
The pressure you feel is both internal and external. The group may even use words or threats to ‘keep you in line’.
When you’re facing an affair, peer pressure can either be a friend or an enemy. If the pressure is being put on you to cheat, or engage in bad behavior toward the cheater, it can be a negative.
There’s plenty of group in the ‘dump the chump’ school of dealing with affairs. They take the approach of “All men are pigs” or “All women are evil” mindsets. Although you may enjoy venting in such groups, they have dangers.
One of the dangers is that the more you vent, the more you become a part of the group. This kind of group thrives on negative energy. They love knowing the dirty details of what’s going on.
When you find a peer support group that encourages social support and maintaining moral standards, it can be a wonderful thing in your life.
The positive type encourages moral behavior and responses, yet discourages venting. There are times you need to vent strong feelings and times you need encouraging support.
There are many types of groups, with each having their own unique form of peer pressure. There are your work cadre, the military, your church, your family, your neighborhood, organizations you belong to, and even former classmates.
The larger the group, the more support can be provided, yet they have increased levels of demands on you. Most groups want you to contribute to the group as well.
If you’re facing a negative support group, you may have to learn how to say ‘NO’ and develop resistance to peer pressure. You’ll have to be selective in what you tell them and limit your time with them.
You’ll also have to develop a level of comfort with standing alone. In such cases, you’ll have to be able to resist the power of the peer group.
If you are facing a positive peer group, then you’ll need other skills. You will have to learn how to open up with them, and work with them is developing support.
You’ll want to use these relationships as much as possible. When you have such a group, you don’t have to fear being alone, the challenge for you is finding out how to let them into your life.
Whichever type of peer group you are facing, I wish you well in your affair recovery.
If you get stuck in recovery from the affair, the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma” guides you through your challenge. Getting your stress level stuck happens frequently with affairs. Find out what you need in getting unstuck and returning to your old self.
Best Regards,
Jeff
