Affairs and Christmas don’t mix well. Although those who seek affairs will try convincing you that they go together like peanut butter and jelly along with adding some spicy elements as well. Although doing things in secret adds excitement, the betrayal, lies and secrets surrounding affairs has a detrimental effect on any Christmas celebration.
When you’re having to keep secrets and lie about what you’re doing, you loose spontaneity and genuineness. In common talk, you are not able to ‘be real’.
Holiday celebrations are more enjoyable when you can ‘be real’ with all the vulnerability and honesty that involves. When you have to put on masks and hide what’s actually happening, it limits your investment in the holiday.
Keeping secrets also place a damper on the celebrations for others. You may think ‘all is well’ since your secret was kept hidden. Although the secret was kept, the price tag for you keeping it was that you kept back a portion of yourself.
When families get together, they know when family members are ‘holding back’. They sense that something is ‘missing’ or is not quite right. Their perceptions are correct.
When you or others hold back with keeping secrets, everyone loses out on what could have happened.
Some of the more unpleasant Christmas memories I have are those where family members were putting on their best masks, while hiding affairs or some other misdeed. In such cases, everyone feels like they are walking on egg shells and pick their way carefully through conversation in order to avoid ‘saying the wrong thing’.
Having to police yourself in holiday celebrations is a sure way of making them miserable for everyone, including yourself. You may end up saving your secret, but the price tag is one that takes something away from everyone else.
If you’ve had an affair, now is the best time for ending it and starting your recover. The video “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery” guides you through what you need. Rather than fumbling your way through it, you can know what to do.
Best Regards,
Jeff
4 Responses
Well I seem to always have something to say when I read your posts. One thing that is so hard for me now is the thought of how many people in my husband’s Christmas office parties…including some in our own home were populated by people who knew or suspected what was going on. Including the one where the OW came to our home …I was so effusive to her….never dreamed of what she was doing with my husband …and for years!
I did not have a lot of interaction with his office since I was busy at home teaching our children .
Also now realizing how he and she celebrated the holidays in their own private dinner and such …I was never on a date with my husband once he met her. Before that he had a pretty busy ‘private’ life at work and much of the time I was deliberately told that ‘spouses are not included’ .
I did not doubt this but did find it a bit insulting …especially since many Christian marriage books recommend that spouses be included as often as possible . My husband did not want to include me and over time it became more and more evident. He did not even like it if I got up early in the morning to be with him because it interrupted his morning time.
I respected his requests.
As far as his family gatherings …they became less and less.
He enjoyed the parents and family of his OW and they approved of their relationship even knowing he had a wife and children!
Just how far the world has descended into the abyss of sin is evident in this kind of family culture…and these were not what you might identify as people of “low degree” …if I can call it that…Just goes to show …appearances are NOTHING to gauge morality or integrity by. I cannot imagine parents approving of such behavior . I asked my husband if he would be able to give the hand of friendship and approval to any man who would treat our daughters the way that he had treated his OW ! He should have had a good swift kick in the pants …or worse …but the OW’s parents gave them their ‘blessing’ ! Must have seen my husband as $$$.
Sadly, I have seen many situations where the family of the OW/OM knowingly supports and condones what is going on. In such cases, the problem is deeper than the lover and their choices.
Well, I don’t know that any of my husband’s family or friends know about what he did. There is ONE man who he thought of has his ‘best friend’ who knew….but does not know about the children he had …and now that man has broken friendship …thinking my husband capable of some other kind of corporate thievery which he did not do…just goes to show that a man’s character will catch up with him sooner or later.
I have an idea that the friend had a business situation which appeared that someone had hijacked some clients and since he knew of my husband’s cheating on me he drew a conclusion based upon his ability to cheat on his wife.
Ross Perot once was quoted to say that he would never hire any man who cheated on his wife because if he could not be trusted to be honest with his wife , his closest allie and confidant then who could trust him!
I would agree.
None of his earthly family of origin have done such a dastardly deed but then ….maybe we just don’t know about it …since he is a skilled liar and some of his male elders were possibly capable …the ‘father of lies’ has a large family apparently….
Jhn 8:44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.
Zaza
Ross Perot understood something. He understood that affairs were about character. It reveals their self-discipline, truthfulness, trustworthiness and willingness to lie. There is more to cheating and affairs that just the sex.