If your marriage seems stuck, if it seems that the two of you keep fighting the same old fight and focus your
attention on the past rather than looking toward the future, you have a problem. That problem is that someone invited ‘Wrong Way Feldman‘ into your bedroom.
If you are not familiar with ‘Wrong Way Feldman‘, he was a character in the Gilligan’s Island television series. He was known for always getting his directions wrong and heading the opposite way of his destination. Although the character is fictional, his method of problem solving is all too real.
Many of you have allowed the kind of thinking of ‘Wrong Way Feldman’ to dominate your mind. Like Feldman, you approach problems directly opposite of the way needed. Feldman will want you focused on the past, and seeking explanations and the ‘why’ behind every action. When he whispers in your ear, you will start looking at the past while wanting things to improve for the future.
Since you will find what you look for, eventually you will find the ‘why’ you have been looking for. The problem is that in searching for it, you will shift your focus to the past, to motivations, to explanations instead of connecting with your spouse now and finding ways of improving your relationship heading into the future. Finding all the ‘why’ answers is great if your intention is to live in the past and constantly replay events over and over. It would be real life version of ‘Groundhog Day’, where you continue living in a loop.
The problem with living in the past or looping your life is that ….there is no future.
Many of you have allowed ‘Wrong Way Feldman’ into your bedroom and allow him to whisper his ideas into your head. You want to continue living they marriage of your past. Sure you had a good time, but living the marriage of the past does not address the changing needs you and your spouse have. Marriage is a dynamic relationship that is always changing. That is part of what makes it so ‘alive’.
Living in the past is a sure way to choke the life out of your marriage. When you live in the past, you might as well be married to a corpse. When you are married to a corpse, you have bigger problems than the affair. If you are listening to the ‘Wrong Way Feldman‘ in your bedroom, you may be choking the life out of your marriage and draining its future by using all your energy to find out ‘why’ and explain the past.
Now is the time to kick “Wrong Way Feldman” out of your bedroom.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
