In dealing with affairs and relationships, one of the topics which eventually comes up is jokes. You may wonder
“What about affair jokes?” The standard response that I often hear is that you need to ‘lighten up’ and that humor takes the pain out of this very personal and troubling topic. I like a good laugh and enjoy humor, yet some topics are not humorous, which includes affairs.
Jokes are by necessity, dual natured. They have messages on several levels. That is part of what contributes to the humor. They mean something different on each level. The tension between those levels is part of what contributes to humor. What that means is that the jokes allow you to release tension and emotional energies that often surround a particular topic.
This dual nature is one of the reasons that humor is made surrounding topics that have tension. The more tense the topic, the greater the need for emotional release and the greater the humor potential. This is why some of the most serious topics often have some of the funniest jokes about them.
Besides the dual nature, there is also the added dimension of hidden wishes and agendas associated with jokes. Although some joke tellers have no hidden agendas, there are many that do. That agenda may be one of lowering the tension in the room which many speakers to warm up their audience. There are also seducers who use jokes as part of their seduction process.
My reason for considering affairs ‘not humorous’ is the danger they pose. The danger I see are the seducers who use jokes to soften you up. They tell you jokes to lower your inhibitions in a particular area, such as affairs. If your inhibitions are lowered, you become more accepting and less guarded.
Seducers use jokes, especially those about affairs and sexual matters as a way of seducing you. Before they even lay a hand on your privates, they win over your mind and emotions with their jokes. They use humor to get your mind into a bedroom mindset. They crawl under the covers with you using humor before they even lay a hand on your body.
Besides the seduction danger, if you start using this approach in your home, with each joke, the taboo subject of infidelity becomes more acceptable. The more you weaken each others moral fiber the greater the risk becomes for an affair to happen. By tolerating such humor, you may unwittingly be grooming your spouse to cheat on you.
Remember, when it comes to affairs… it happens in the head, before it happens in the bed. When you get your spouse accustomed to affair humor, it makes them more vulnerable for the next person to come around telling affair jokes. The problem with affair jokes is that they are often veiled seductions themselves. Each joke seduces a little more of the mind and emotions to the point where an affair is ‘play’.
Then there is the danger of affair relapse. When the cheater is recovering from an affair, the last thing they need are affair jokes. When the jokes start, ideas start swirling in their minds. They start getting back into the affair mindset. Their mind starts thinking, plotting and planning out an affair. They start fantasizing about making one happen.
If you start allowing affair humor after an affair happens, you put the cheater at risk for an affair relapse and you also minimize whatever disapproval you expressed about the affair. When you joke about affairs, you take away the negative reaction to them. Your disapproval means nothing.
If you are serious about overcoming the affair or recovery from it, consider eliminating affair jokes and humor. You do not need your marriage weakened any further. You do not need the distraction of fantasies interfering with your marriage.
If you need further help recovering from an affair, consider the “Affair Recovery Workshop” which takes you through recovery.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
