The question was asked, “My wife cheated on me, does that make her a sex addict?” You may have asked such a question either concerning yourself or your spouse.
Although affairs and sexual addiction can overlap, in most cases, they are two separate things. Your spouse may have had an affair. Having an affair doesn’t make you a sex addict.
Surprisingly many sex addicts actually prefer staying in their marriage. The prospect of facing ‘real relationships’ intimidates them. Real relationships requires time and commitment.
Rather than investing time and making commitments, the sex addict thrives on isolation and secrecy. Their rich fantasy life thrives in isolation and secrecy. They get their needs met in secret since they are not addressed openly.
Assuming that cheating makes them a sex addict comes from limited understanding of each of these areas. Understanding these issues requires an investment of time.
Jumping to conclusions gives you quick answers, yet in most cases, it’s the wrong conclusions. Once you dump your spouses, it’s not so easy repairing your relationship and yourself.
The cheating does mean that your relationship needs help. Straying outside the bounds of marriage means that their needs or your needs or both are not being met.
Do you know ways of addressing the topic of needs? Do you what your needs and your spouse’s are?
My experience is that in marriages with affairs, the topic of needs has been neglected or avoided. Dealing with needs requires time, commitment and knowing what to talk about.
In the “Affair Recovery Workshop”, I point out the areas needing attention. It’s likely that the two of you have discussed sex, but a marriage needs discussion of more needs than just sex.
If you give up on your marriage because of the affair, you may be giving up on a marriage needing some changes you weren’t aware of.
When you don’t talk about needs openly, solutions will be sought secretly.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
