In dealing with affairs, I’ve been asked many challenging questions. Some are challenging based on the level of pain involved, others are challenging based on their yuk factor. The subject of those are so upsetting or slimy, they’re uncomfortable to even consider.
One of the challenging questions is, “Should I as a betrayed spouse should pray for the lover?” This is one of the questions that gets touchy quick.
The strongest negative reactions to emails I receive concern the lover and posts where I consider the situation from their perspective. The reactions let me know that this is a sensitive area.
Although I firmly believe in prayer and the power of it in changing people and relationships, when it comes to affairs and praying for the lover, things get murky. There are multiple reasons for this.
First, many people don’t know how to pray, let alone what to pray concerning the lover. With affairs, your spouse and yourself need prayer first, before the lover does.
Secondly, a tougher question focuses on what to pray for. With each affair having different issues, what you should pray for varies widely.
You also have to consider the motivation behind the praying. Praying with the wrong motivation or as a substitute for action brings you into a whole new dimension of hurt and alienation. This is especially true when your consider imprecatory prayers.
Prayer changes things. The wrong kind of prayer can bring unwanted changes in direction of things in your marriage. It’s important that you know what you’re doing in using this option. You may get what you ask for, even if it’s not in your best interest.
I find that it’s more imperative that you deal with forgiveness BEFORE considering the prayer option. This is why in dealing with affairs, I recommend settling the forgiveness issue before praying for the lover.
In the video on forgiveness entitled “Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks”, you can know how to do the important work before tackling other challenges.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
