Do you know who your spouse’s friends are? If you don’t you’re opening yourself up for an affair developing right under your nose.
When spouses react protectively of their friends of try keeping them off your radar, there’s a reason for it. They may claim that it’s their ‘private’ life or some other excuse.
Being overly protective and evasive regarding friends is not a good sign. Keeping you in the dark signals you that something isn’t right.
The stronger the protests erupting when you want to know more about their friends, the greater the risk of them engaging in behavior that is not beneficial to your marriage.
This includes both friends and connections on social media. You should be able to know who they’re talking to and staying connected with. I’ll go so far as to say that you should have veto power of their choices as well.
Your veto power should be used carefully. If your intention is isolating them from anyone, you’re abusing that power.
I do think that there are times when you should have a say so when it comes to friends and connections you don’t feel comfortable with. At the very least, the two of you need to openly discuss the friends you allow into your lives and inner circle.
This amounts to identifying who you don’t feel at ease with along with your reason for concern. If your spouse vehemently defends their relationship, it lets you know that they care more about that relationship than they do about you and your concerns.
Although friends should have your best interest, they don’t always. They may have attended your wedding and although they should support and encourage your marriage, some don’t respect marriages.
As much as I want to give people the benefit of doubt, I know that selfishness and lust turn people into monsters. Although some affairs happen with strangers, more of them happen with people you already know.
Although monitoring of friends should be done before an affair happens, since you’re reading this, it’s likely that an affair has already happened. In this case, the monitoring of friends needs your consideration as part of your Affair Relapse Prevention Plan.
If you’ve never heard of an Affair Relapse Prevention Plan, you’re vulnerable to some big problems. In my video on “Overcoming Affair Relapse“, you can learn about creating such a plan along with each of the essential pieces needing inclusion in it.
Beating yourself up about the affair won’t change things, but working an Affair Relapse Prevention plan certainly helps prevent relapses.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
