Although I receive frequent requests for information on mental illness and affairs, I receive fewer requests for information on the connection between drug abuse and affairs. Although there are fewer requests, the connection and danger are there.
Consider for a moment how many affair acts happen ‘under the influence’. If you hadn’t considered it, now’s a good time for doing so.
Heavy use leads to weak impulse control. It also softens up their conscience so that they don’t feel guilt or remorse.
I worked with one couple where the wife had multiple partners, but ALWAYS after she was ‘under the influence’. She needed the impairment from the drugs in order to do what she was doing.
In some cases, the cheater has to get drunk or under the influence to do what they do as well. In other cases, there are some drugs that stimulate and arouse the user to the point that they act out with anyone who will gratify them.
In those cases, although addiction treatment specialists know about these side effects, the public is the last to know this. Take cocaine for instance.
With regular use, some users report unusual sexual desires. It’s no surprise that 40-70% of cocaine addicts are sex addicts as well.
Cocaine isn’t alone. There are other drugs with similar impact.
In the case of drug use, the substance changes how they think and how they behave. When under the influence, they’re definitely not themselves. They may not even recall what happened.
Given how drugs can mess with your memory, when they tell you they don’t remember, they may be totally honest with you.
This is one reason why it’s important in recovery to remove the addictions out of the way before tackling infidelity. The infidelity you encountered may be tied into their addiction or drug use more than you initially thought. Spending your valuable time chasing down what cause the affair could be as simple as ‘drug use’.
Given the actions of drugs and their cumulative effect the problem of drug use could have been going on long before the affair happened.
If you need help in getting a game plan together in tackling the problems, I’ve had some recent openings in my schedule. Email me at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com to schedule a telephone assessment and consultation.
The two of you can change directions and be headed for recovery rather than a divorce proceeding court room.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
