In a recent email, a reader mentioned struggling with temptations as they pulled out of affairs. Although they aren’t having an affair, they continue having thoughts about having one.
The thought of having an affair is torment for them. They feel like they’re fighting themselves when temptation comes their way. They’re torn between the thrill of excitement and the distaste of cheating on their spouse.
It would be nice if temptations operated like a light switch. If you had the ability to turn it on or off and it stayed that way, dealing with affairs would be easy. The just say “NO” approach for some is a struggle.
Many cheaters and would be cheaters dream of temptation being easily controlled with a switch. The mantra of “I just wish I could simply turn it off” has been heard by many of you.
Although biologically, the controls for your thoughts technically operate like a light switch, when it comes to controlling them, it’s a Herculean task.
There are reasons why controlling tempting thoughts is so challenging.
One reason is that when you’ve trained your mind in giving into them. Turning them off goes against that training.
Your brain enjoyed the fantasies of the affair. From the thrill of anticipation to the enjoyment of sexual release.
Your mind has developed a habit of giving in. It gave it, it enjoyed it and it wants it again.
It enjoys the stimulating thrill that affairs bring, with all the planning, chasing and fantasizing. Those habits don’t change easily.
When you gave into your temptations, you wore a pathway for your nerves to travel on. Your nerves prefer well-worn pathways and superhighways to seldom used trails in your brain. Your brain defaults to what it already knows and enjoys.
Changing your thoughts can be done, although it requires effort and community. When you have the right tools and techniques, the pathways are changeable.
Brains can be changed. You’re not doomed to years of living with the torment of tempting thoughts.
This is where the video, “Overcoming Affair Relapse” helps. In the video, you’ll discover the high risk situations you are exposing yourself to.
One reason the temptation chases after you is that you’re putting yourself at risk. Those high risk situations and triggers overwhelm your ability to choose wisely.
Temptation is an issue for both the cheater and the betrayed. The more you know about it, the better able you’ll be in dealing with your spouse’s temptations.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
