In my efforts of making sense of politics, I’ve learned that you can safely assume that whatever the title of some piece of legislation says, the truth is typically 180 degrees from it. At first I thought my observation was only partly true, but I’ve found it’s increasingly more accurate than I’d like.
This is part of selling the public on what they’re doing. In the past, the phrase ‘polishing a turd’ described the process.
Although I’ve applied that truism to legislation and government agencies, I’ve seen it with greater frequency with affair related articles as well. Once again, I have to take the title and realize the inverse is more true than the title.
Take for instance a recent article addressing beliefs about monogamy put out by the ‘Good Men Project’. The article pointed out four areas where couples need to reconsider their incompatible beliefs about monogamy need to be reconsidered.
The four beliefs were (paraphrased):
- Where one spouse is okay with porn and the other isn’t
- Keeping friend of the opposite sex when your spouse disapproves of them
- When one spouse wants a third party in the bedroom and the other doesn’t
- When one spouse is okay with flirting and the other isn’t
Let me start by saying, a 100% loyal husband or loyal wife wouldn’t be holding such beliefs or practices. They each represent a lack of oneness in spirit and commitment to their marriage.
In going through the list of beliefs, I said to myself each of these are red flag items for affairs. If your marriage calls itself monogamous and your holding onto these ideas, you’ve got big trouble on the horizon. You’re already starting off with an unhealthy view of what monogamy is.
The beliefs are associated with a lack of spiritual oneness. In such cases, the two of you aren’t on the same page. You may still be physically monogamous, but emotionally, you’re far from monogamous.
Each of the beliefs has one spouse investing in either selfish sensuality or relationships outside of your marriage. These beliefs will weaken your marriage.
You can discuss them all you want between the two of you. Holding onto them will weaken the bonding between the two of you. Your marriage may already be in an affair crisis and you don’t see it yet.
The beliefs always precede actions. Instead of being areas to discuss in order to strengthen your marriage, they’re actually signs your marriage is in trouble and going down fast.
I wouldn’t consider these beliefs and values compatible with being a “Good Man” or “Good Wife”. I also believe that marriage is a sacred institution and meant for more than just being roommates with privileges.
If your marriage has wandered into murky areas, then it’s a good time to consider the video “Getting Past the Affair Crisis”. Your relationship may be in more trouble than you thought.
Now is the time to start telling yourself the truth about what’s going on. The extreme flirting, maintaining friends of the opposite sex your spouse disapproves of and other practices are making your relationship less secure rather than more secure.
Click and download the video today. Start gaining clarity instead of sinking further into the mess.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
