There are times when I ask myself, “Is this really happening to me?” At those moments, things are occurring which my mind doesn’t fully grasp. And I get afraid.
One of those moments were when I was coming to the realization that I was a father. My whole world changed at that time and it took a while for my mind to catch up. It changed the way I drove, the way I cared for myself, my ideas about the future and who I was.
There were also some unpleasant moments which weren’t happy. Those were filled with fear concerning what was going on to me and around me. I don’t look back on those moments with any fondness at all. Instead, there is a sense of relief and thankfulness that they are past. It’s only the future which shapes the present.
When you encounter the shocking news of your spouse having an affair, you find yourself facing one of those unpleasant moments. You may even go so far as to tell yourself “That’s not me. This is not happening.” It can’t be. You love your spouse and they couldn’t have done this to you. Yes they could, and yes it is happening.
You may even catch yourself screaming “This can’t be!”
At that point, your mind is unlinking the event from your environment. You are looking for an escape when one doesn’t exist. You are trying to find ways to deny what you see, hear and feel.
The problem with that is the issue isn’t going away because you tell yourself it doesn’t exist. Reality can no longer be denied. You may even go so far as to wish for something magical to happen which will undo everything that has happened.
The unlinking of your mind and sense of who you are from what’s going on is a hallmark of trauma. That unlinking is a natural reaction to a traumatic event.
It’s your mind’s way of dealing with what is happening and protecting you from exploring the depth of the damage. It may help you to understand that it is a temporary reaction and after it runs its course, you’ll be able to think more clearly.
When things become unnatural is when that phenomena continues. When you persistently unlink yourself from what’s going on related to the affair, you are in an affair trauma.
If you experienced early life traumas, the affair may trigger several trauma reactions at once. Your mind uses the tools it used when you faced tough situations in your past.
Problems arise when the mechanism for unlinking gets stuck. At that point, you are stuck in an affair trauma with no exit doors in sight. Being stuck triggers a series of reactions in your body and mind.
You may have grown accustomed to being stressed out, yet the longer you stay there, the more it weakens your health, thinking and stamina. Staying there also has cumulative effects which takes a toll on your body.
This is when you needs helps like the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma”. In the video, you’ll find ways of getting out of affair trauma. You’ll discover ways of calming your mind and body as you go through recovery from the affair.
Imagine being able to cope effectively rather than freaking out or shutting down. When you can handle things rather than ‘losing it’, you start seeing options you may have missed. You start seeing light at the end of the tunnel you found yourself in.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
