Are you living one of those lives filled with contradictions? Affairs have a way of putting you in some contradictory positions.
They twist you into a bind between what you believe and what you do.
I know from the survey I did that many cheaters claim to love their family yet did things that made a mess of their family. That’s quite a contradiction. It’s not that they don’t care, it’s that they are struggling with two sets of intense emotions.
On one hand, they have the love and commitment for their family. On the other hand, they have this passionate affair that has them feeling alive and excited again. The affair offers an escape from the mundane routine of daily life.
A big part of those affair contradictions stem from talking about being family-friendly, yet tearing each other down as husband and wife. When you tear each other down, the key relationship in your family has been destroyed.
Once marriage is destroyed, your family is damaged. The reason for this is that family needs the commitment and stability provided by both parents being committed to each other. That commitment creates an environment where trust can grow.
It provides role modeling, checks and balances along with support for each other during times of weakness. When those items aren’t in your family, trust is one of the casualties.
Without trust, your family turns into an insecure mob filled with alliances, game playing, and manipulation. Without the structure of husband and wife, the children resort to manipulation and teamwork in creating safety.
When you don’t provide it, they will create an imitation of the family security that could have been. Affairs may start as an issue between parents, yet soon morphs into something that touches everyone in the family.
A cheating parent leaves an imprint on their child along with life-long lessons about trust. Those lessons typically involve fears and insecurities that dominate their child’s thinking.
The best way of starting your journey out of these contradictions is by rebuilding trust. In my video “How Can I Trust You Again?“, you’ll learn ways of repairing the damage done. You’ll also start benefiting from the positive effects that come with renewed trust.
Imagine being able to take each other at what’s been said without having to second guess or check to see if they’re telling you the truth. When you can trust each other, the family is a safe, healthy relational environment rather than a place where you have to always be guarded about what you say and who you say it to.
Not everything labeled family-friendly is marriage-friendly, but everything marriage-friendly benefits your family. These days, efforts are programming are being labled as ‘family-friendly’. You can no longer trust that label. Taking steps of improving trust in your marriage makes your marriage and your family healthier.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
