In the past few months I found myself learning lessons about ‘hard truths’. Hard truths are those items that are true, yet for some reason, I didn’t want to accept them.
Mentally, I acknowledged the hard truths, but that didn’t mean I accepted them emotionally.
Refusing to accept hard truths didn’t make them go away. In my case, the hard truths took me out of my comfort zone. They reminded me of my vulnerabilities and limitations.
No matter how much I viewed myself as a superhero who can handle whatever comes my way, I learned that I was fooling myself. I was neither all-powerful nor all-powerless.
I encountered hard truths in dealing with parental illnesses and death. Although each had some unique twists the experiences had much in common. I had to face cold, hard truths that I didn’t want to face.
Like an uncomfortable look in the mirror, I found myself looking face to face with uncomfortable issues that weren’t on my terms. Life wasn’t on my terms in any way, fashion or form.
Affairs bring ‘hard truths’ into your life as well. Whether it is people, actions, things or outcomes, you have to face them. There are times when the events aren’t on your terms.
Affairs bring people into your life that you didn’t want. They also bring situations you never considered or planned for.
One way of dealing with those hard truths you don’t want to accept is simply lying about it. Lying is one of the common ways of dealing with unacceptable truths.
Lying is often the path of least resistance. It is a way to protect yourself from having to face the hard truth. It can be used as a form of self-deception or avoidance. In some cases, it might even make the situation feel less threatening or real.
It could be that you and your spouse are both lying as ways of dealing with the hard truth about your marriage. When you consider the inability to deal with hard truths as a driver behind lying, you see things differently.
One of the hard truths is that you need help. Try saying it out loud “I need help!”
If you resisted saying it, you are struggling with the hard truth about help.
In the download, “Affair Recovery Workshop”, I’ll guide you through the challenges of ‘telling yourself the truth’. The affair took you out of your comfort zone. There are things you need to learn in order to turn your marriage around.
A good follow-up after saying “I need help!”, is doing something about it.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
