For whatever reason I’ve been experiencing a convergence of coincidences regarding ‘forgiveness’. On even hearing the word coincidence, the image that flashes through my mind is that of white-haired pastor Vendyl Jones sharing his views on coincidence. He often said that coincidence is when there are two or more events happening at the same time. He even went so far as to write the term as ‘co-incidents’.
Lately I’ve been the center of co-incidents concerning ‘forgiveness’. I’ve been hearing about forgiveness from several areas of my life. It’s as if there is a universal surround sound encircling me with the themes of ‘forgiveness’.
When that happens, I take it as a sign that this is an issue needing attention. There are many questions people have about forgiveness. One that caught my attention is “What must happen for forgiveness to be successful?”
My first response considers the inquiry of what you want forgiveness to do. Do you want it to remove guilt? Appease some festering hurts brought on by insensitivity? Reduce the blaming going on? These concerns tell me that whether or not forgiveness is successful often depends on what you’re wanting it to accomplish.
Forgiveness can turn relationships and lives around. Forgiveness involves a total makeover of a relationship. It can give new hope. It can also give you permission to let go of some memory or resentment. It is transformative. What gets transformed depends on how you use it and what you use it for.
In my latest video, “We Need to Talk: How To Rekindle Closeness And Bring Back Intimacy In Your Marriage” deals with rekindling intimacy and satisfaction, I provide another answer to the question of “How do I know that forgiveness is successful?” When forgiveness includes changes in thinking and behavior, it is successful. You need both of them. If you don’t see both, you still have some big issues to deal with. Your relationship needs an overhaul.
If you’re looking for what needs to be changed in your marriage or ways of making changes, the new video will lay out for you the areas where adjustments are needed along with the topics to discuss that make huge differences in your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
