A reader wrote to me, “After my husband’s affair, I’ve been plagued by doubt. Can I trust him around other women? Will he be faithful this time?” It’s a question many of us ask ourselves after infidelity strikes our relationship.
But here’s the hard truth: there’s no magic crystal ball that can predict the future. We can’t be certain if an affair will happen again. It’s a terrifying thought, isn’t it?
Ronald Reagan once said, “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: I’m from the government and I’m here to help.” It’s a powerful statement that speaks to the importance of trust in any relationship, whether it’s with the government or with our partners.
Perhaps there’s a deeper truth to Reagan’s words. Relationship trust is scary. As the family therapist Robert Ackerman put it, “The Scariest of all trusts is relationship trust.” And we all know this fear too well in the aftermath of an affair.
Even if our cheating spouse is seeking counseling and striving to change, there’s still that nagging doubt in the back of our minds. Will they be faithful again? We live in constant uncertainty, unsure of what the future holds. You are faced with the challenge of whether you should just blindly trust them or whether there are signs that you can trust them in a dependable manner.
With dependable trust, they show signs and indications that real change has occurred. In blind trust, you take a leap of faith based on nothing more than hope of change.
But here’s the thing: getting over the fear isn’t about knowing for sure that there won’t be another affair. It’s about trusting ourselves and taking risks to believe in what you know in your heart and gut. It has likely been a while since you trusted your gut.
So when your cheater says, “Trust me,” it should raise a red flag. We need to be cautious and discerning as we navigate the treacherous path of trust after infidelity.
If you’re wondering how to start rebuilding trust and distinguishing between blind trust and dependable trust, I have a video for you. In “How Can I Trust You Again?”, I address these concerns and provide insights into identifying the signs that your spouse can be trusted once more.
You can find confidence in the steps you and your spouse are taking to strengthen your relationship. Discover whether you have a solid foundation of trust or if you’re merely “blindly trusting in trust.”
It’s time to face your uncertainties and move forward. Trust can be rebuilt, and I’ll show you how.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
