One of the most tragic aspects of cheating is that families and lives are destroyed, while those who perpetrated the cheating often gloat and justify their actions by saying it was ‘between consenting adults’. Although the selfish adults who participated in the affair consented, they did not consider how their actions would impact their family, children, parents, job, reputation and community. With each affair that occurs within a family or community, something dies. Some of the strength and hope that once existed is destroyed. Such actions serve to weaken families, communities and churches all in the name of ‘consenting adults’.
The phrase ‘consenting adults’ is often bandied about as if somehow it makes everything right. The phrase somehow makes their selfish acts and the single parent homes left in the wake of their infidelity acceptable to them. They do not consider the pain of family members and friends who carry the scars and have to face the damage of those ‘consenting adults’. The cheaters use the phrase as if it were a ‘get out of jail free card’ that allows them to engage in any kind of behavior they desire without any accountablity or responsibility. They want to be totally irresponsible and expect others to accept them and clean up their mess as if it were ‘no big deal’. Infidelity is a big deal. Dealing with the shame of having a father or mother that sleeps around or is a swinger stays with them for years after the fun of ‘consenting adults’ is over.
Although those using the term ‘consenting adults’ to excuse their behavior as if they were responsible adults, the results often take away choices and freedoms from those around them. The victims of the ‘consenting adults’ often do not have choices concerning how they live their lives. The stigma of what the consenting adults did does not wash off with soap and water. Some researches have suggested that the impact of such actions may be as long as 80-100 years. History teaches that the hurts associated with infidelities often stretch even further. Long after the ‘consenting adults’ are dead and gone, those left behind find themselves facing the pain and ugliness of the choices that the ‘consenting adults’ refused to face.
The term is used as a type of tyranny that stretches across the generations. The pain does not end when people die. The pain does not end when the affair is over. The pain is passed like the Olympic torch from generation to generation, who each will have to face and struggle with the habits, patterns and reputation of those ‘consenting adults’ that went before.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
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