You may find yourself asking, “Can an affair be toxic?” Given that the affair is between two adults, how can it be toxic to a third party? The whole idea of an affair being toxic is probably something that you have never considered, much less given much validity to.
In response to such questions, affairs can be toxic. Although the affair may be between two parties, the ripple effect of what those two do impacts the third. The actions of the cheater and lover impact you as well.
There are many ways the affair impacts you. In previous posts, I have addressed the risk of STD’s. With affairs there is a risk of STD’s that is high and getting higher.
There are many reasons for this. The CDC (Centers for Disease Control) have expressed concern with the increases in STD’s. When there are 20,000,000 new cases each year, the risk is high, with the 15-24 year old population having the highest risk.
Having a STD so early in life is truly tragic. You have your life ahead of you and it gets ruined with an STD.
Consider also that 20,000 women become infertile each year related to undiagnosed STD’s. Some ‘experts’ have come out and blamed the social media hook-up app, Tinder for this rise in STD’s. The increased number of immigrants could also be a factor, or other issues.
Whatever the cause of the rise in STD’s becomes a moot point. The issue you need to take note of is that the risk is there. The more cases of STD’s means the higher the risk of the cheater bringing some unwanted pests or virus home to you. With 20,000,000 new cases a year, it’s only be a matter of time.
Like Clint Easwood’s dirty Harry character often asked “Do you feel lucky?”
Years ago my father warned me that “If you can get into somebody’s pants, it likely means someone else has been there before you”. Many of the cheaters out there either never had such instructions or ignored them.
When a STD from the affair infects you, it has become toxic. Given that some STDs are spread through non-sexual contact, just avoiding intimacy is not enough. There is risk, even when the third party does not engage in high-risk behaviors.
There is also the risk of homicide and suicide which I addressed in previous posts as well. Homicide and suicide are toxic. When the dynamics become this extreme, the risk is high.
Granted, the percentage of affairs where this occurs is less than 10%, that does not mean an affair is risk free. The likelihood of this happening is low, yet all it takes is one episode to mess up your life.
The toxic effect I want to bring to your attention is that of ‘trauma reactions’. When the stress of the marital conflict and affair is prolonged or intense, there is a risk of trauma reactions. The longer a person stays in a stressed arousal state, the higher the risk of toxic effects.
I addressed some of this in the post related to the “Affair Survival Mode“. When you are in the “Affair Survival Mode” state for extended periods, it changes you. It changes you whether you want it to or not. After a while choice is no longer a factor.
How this occurs is that under high stress, the nervous system becomes overloaded. When the system is overloaded for extended periods, the nerves and nervous system do not go back to a ‘stable’ state. They not only do not go back, they are unable to go back.
When you are unable to return to your pre-stressed state, the affair has become toxic. While the nervous system is on high alert, many neurologically active chemicals are released.Once released, they travel your body, looking for a place to settle and do their destructive work.
Depending on where these chemicals end up in your body, you can experience a wide range of symptoms.
Those chemicals are designed for short term reactions. When they continue being released over the long term, there are multiple chemical overloads.
There is a combination of the neurologically active chemicals becoming toxic to your body, that put your body on ‘high alert’ along with the release of other chemicals produced by organ systems that are reacting to being stressed for too long.
When your body is stressed, your breathing, digestive and circulatory system react. Those temporary reactions change how your blood flows along with how the oxygen flow.
The redirection of bodily resources causes some systems to function well, while others are starved out of essential nutrients and oxygen. When bodily systems are starved, they react by releasing other chemical agents.
The chemicals in your body make you a ‘different person’ than you used to be. The situation is that your body has been poisoned. You are ‘toxic’. The intense prolonged stress has contributed to the poisoning of your body.
So, even though, you did not have the affair. The stress from what the cheater did changes you. Affairs are not victimless. They never have been victimless.
Rather than continue suffering and risking toxic effects, you will want to take action. You need to start affair recovery with or without your spouse. Recovery is not something limited to restoring marriages. It’s also about restoring you to a healthy state. For that reason, you’ll benefit from the Affair Recovery Workshop with or without your spouse.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
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