Archive for April, 2007
In working with couples, a tool often used by therapists is the genogram. This provides a type of history of the people and their families. I was reading a book, and became aware of the life of Marry Shelly. Her mother, Mary Wollstencraft was an ardent feminist who had affairs. When one of them did […]
Questions are important. The questions we ask direct and determine what kind of answers we will find. In the aftermath of an affair, there are many questions. Some of them are distractions that keep people from looking at and considering what are the important issues. Questions concerning how long one should wait are some of […]
One of the areas partners struggle with in overcoming the effects of an affair is that concerning objectivity. Because an affair effects the people in such a personal manner, it is taken as a personal offense. When there is a personal offense, leading to hurt, ones initial response is to hurt back. That tendency to […]
Since you are reading this, it is likely that you are looking for ways to survive an affair. What does it mean to survive? The word itself is a combination of sur+vive. These words have French roots meaning sur (on) and vive (life). The word literally means to “get on with life”.
What does it mean […]
Have you considered how walls are built? In dealing with affairs, the wall often starts with the injured party telling themselves that “there is no way that he/she can ever make things better”. Telling oneself a statement such as this is the foundation of a wall being built. Once the foundation is laid, each offense, […]
In dealing with affairs, one of the obstacles that has to be confronted and overcome is that of the walls. There are several walls that must be overcome in surviving affairs. The first wall is that of secrecy. The second is that of unforgiveness. Each wall carries with it challenges associated with overcoming it as […]
The slogan of safety first is not just for the workplace, it also has application for a marriage seeking recovery from infidelity. When the couple decides that they want to “survive and thrive” rather than assume the position of “avoid it and maybe it will go away”. Avoiding it and hoping it will […]
Human nature is that we tend to avoid responsibility. This is very true in the area of affairs and the response to children. One way that avoidance of responsibility shows up is concerning how problems are resolved. When people avoid responsibility, communication games begin. In the area of human relations they refer to this game […]
One major area that needs attention when it comes to dealing with affairs and children is that of trust. Trust is an issue, since so much of affairs involves lies and secrets. Children need parents they can trust, they need someone who they can rely on and believe. If you have lied, deceived or […]
“What are the effects of an affair on children?” is a question that people often search for. Although the question looks for a simple answer, since affairs are not cut and dried situations, the answers are not cut and dried either. I deal with in in greater depth in my “Affair Triage” program. Some of […]
