One of the areas that surprised me in working with couples are the STRONG reactions I often encounter when addressing preventative measures. In my logic, knowing what steps to take in order to prevent affairs should be common sense and be welcomed, they are often the most emotionally charged items. It seems that addressing areas that would improve the strength of the marriage are deemed ‘controversial’ because I have to take stands and make recommendations for or in some cases against some relationship situations.
When the crisis of an affair occurs, then they are willing to address those very same issues, although dealing with them after the crisis is always more challenging than dealing with them before the crisis. When the crisis is in full swing, couples are finally willing to address those painful items that they avoided before. It seems that the pain of the affair outweighs the pain of ‘controversial’ items.
Some couples see early warning signs and take action before major damage has occurred. Although some do this, the majority ignore the early warning signs and continue full speed into the crisis. Some of those who continued full speed seem to thrive on crises. With those couples, they often go from crisis to crisis, only changing the players but never the patterns. Other couples use the crisis as a wake-up call to save their marriage. Although I would like to help them all, some relationships have inflicted more damage than can be imagined. I have seen some marriages that looked hopeful, but somehow could not pull it together. I have seen others that seem beyond hope, yet the two spouses manage to pull together and salvage their relationship in ways I had never imagined.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
