How should you handle the cheater returning home to you and the family? Although you have wanted them to return home, now that they are, it often presents some problems and challenges.
Although they’re back, things are different. You know things are different and they know that things are different.
The trust in your marriage needs resetting. The big difference is that it will have to be earned rather than just blindly given.
The trust is not just about the cheater’s contact with member of the opposite sex, it’s also about how they spend their time and money. You may even wonder if you can trust them with the children.
Each of these areas can be worked through, but requires effort. These items needs to be talked about and worked through. The changes don’t happen on their own.
You also need to know where to start trusting them. Do you start with the children, the bank account or the ATM card?
Then there’s the challenge of what I call “the see-saw dilemma“. This is where you are making adjustments to whether to put 100% trust in them even to the point of trusting their decisions and judgements.
At the other extreme is not trusting them with any decisions. Finding the balance that works for you and your marriage is akin to balancing out a see-saw. Each extreme carries with it unique dangers, which you will want to avoid.
I cover many of the other areas of adjustment you and the cheater will face in the video “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery“.
You can know what changes need making and ways of making them happen. You don’t have to guess and wonder if what you did will work. You can have confidence in what you are doing when the cheater comes home.
Best Regards,
Jeff
