When you’re aware of your spouse’s triggers, you’re way ahead of many other couples. Many wander through them blindly as if they were mindlessly strolling through a mine field.
Then suddenly they step on something that blows up on them, sending whatever stability and peace of mind they had in all directions. When they come to, they wonder ‘What just happened?‘
When you know the triggers, you at least know where the dangers are. The triggers are external reminders of the mental programming that has occurred in the mind of your spouse.
Once programming has occurred, it doesn’t go away. When programming happens, engrams are established. These are nerve pathways or connections.
The trigger switches theses dormant pathways ‘on’. When the pathways are switched on, your spouse will execute ‘programs’ that are in their brain.
The first choice is to avoid them, by doing things differently. Go to different restaurants, travel different roads, make new friends, listen to new music, find new hobbies.
Along with doing new things, cut off connections with the old associations. If you can’t avoid the triggers, then you’ll have to work on drowning out the old programs.
Although you can’t ‘erase’ these programs, you can take steps to bypass or drown them out. This is done by creating new programs or associations for those old triggers.
When there’s a competition for the stimulation between two associations, you can ‘re-direct’ them into new areas. If your new association is stronger or involves more senses, it can over ride the previous programming.
The old trigger is still there, but now it has new connections. A good metaphor for this is that it is like an old painting that has been painted over.
Knowing what the triggers are and having a plan for them is a great start. Recovery from an affair goes through ups and downs. There will be good days and days that didn’t turn out so good.
You’ll also need help with a relapse prevention plan. The video “Preventing Affair Relapse” guides you through triggers, high risks and making plans.
Rather than just guessing at what they may be, you can know where to look.
Best Regards,
Jeff
