The whole issue of keeping your pain inside poses some challenges. This is an issue that no matter where you are in the process of affair recovery, you’ll eventually face.
Affairs bring pain. At first you may get used to the pain and view it as ‘normal’. You may have grown accustomed to it, but that does not make it ‘normal’. If anything you become acclimated to your pain.
In the Affair Recovery Workshop, I address the importance of being honest with yourself. Part of that honesty concerns admitting your own pain, including the pain you’ve acclimated yourself to.
Being honest with yourself also means that the tendency to think that you’re coping well with things, because you’re calm on the outside even though you’re a seething cauldron of pain and anger on the inside.
When you have the calm exterior and raging interior, you’re leading a double life. You may become a walking contradiction, demanding honesty from your spouse, yet living a lie yourself.
There are also health consequences associated with keeping your pain inside. Holding onto the pain carries a price tag with it. There are numerous psychosomatic disorders triggered by such pain.
The longer you keep your pain inside, the lower your resistance to infectious diseases. If you wonder why you get sick so easily and why it takes so long to get well, the answer may be inside you.
You may be scared that if you didn’t stuff your pain, that you would go crazy or somehow lose it. Although that fear is natural, in practice, you’d be better off getting the pain out. There may be an initial state of being overwhelmed, yet once the pain is out, it’s easier to deal with.
It’s hard resolving pains when they are stuffed inside. Pain is a warning sign that something is not right and needs attention. By stuffing all your pain inside, you’ve ‘taken out’ all your early warning alerts.
The pain is there for your protection. When your hurting, it’s hard believing that its actually there to help you when it hurts so bad.
Best Regards,
Jeff
