One question I've found useful in dealing with commitment is "How serious are you?" I was reminded of this in a recent conversation with one of my sons about some college courses.
The question has a way of cutting through all the talk of commitment and wanting to conversations. There's always good intentions, but intentions are not commitment.
In asking the question "How serious are you?", I've learned the importance of looking at action along with listening to what's being said.
The British theologian, Oswald Chambers, once said that you can tell what's truly important to a man in terms of what impacts his time and his wallet. Those things that are truly important touch each of those two things.
How people spend their time and money are markers of their commitment.
In facing affair recovery, you'll hear talk about how committed the cheater is to recovery. You hear all the right words, yet wonder "How committed are they?"
The answer lies in looking at how they spend their time and their money. They make time for their priorities. If recovery from the affair is important, they'll make time for it.
When recovery is important, they'll invest in your marriage and themselves. It's important to distinguish between guilt appeasing gifts that buy you off and real investments.
Real investments show up in them making changes in their thinking and behavior. They'll change how they talk to you and how they treat you. They'll buy books, programs and help that assists them in improving your marriage.
If you're serious, it'll show.
If they don't know what to do or won't admit that they are lost, the video "Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery" will help them get started.
If you don't see changes in how time and money are spent, you already have the answer to "How committed are they?" You may be working harder on your marriage than they are.