One of the hidden dangers with affairs is that of stalking. Affairs and stalking often go hand in hand. The resolute spouse often stalks the wayward spouse to find out their whereabouts and activities. Add to that the possibility of an obsessive lover who stalks their counterpart. At times the obsessive lover is the paramour and at times it is the adulterous spouse. Irregardless of who is stalking and who is being stalked, the affair often turns into a game of cat and mouse. The danger adds to the adrenalin rush which brings a tinge of excitement to what is already a forbidden relationship. The stalking element adds a cloak and dagger element to an already shady arrangement. When the adulterer has lied about their marital status or family status, an element of deception makes the whole situation one where those involved are never sure of the true status of relationships or where they stand.
The person stalking often considers their target as undeserving. Since they view the target as undeserving, there is a sense of one-upmanship on the part of the stalker. At first the stalking is about knowing where people are and what they are doing. It often progresses beyond that into a vouyeristic challenge, where traps are set and the lurid details are sought after. The victim of the stalking often feels violated and suspicious. They wonder if they are being paranoid with their suspicions.
The question arises, “How do I know I am being stalked?” Here are 10 signs that you are being stalked:
1. Repeated intrusive and frightening communications. These may be either emails of telephone calls. It often starts with unknown numbers and progresses beyond that.
2. Repeated leaving of unwanted items, presents, or flowers.
3. Being followed by the stalker or ‘conveniently running into them’ at places such as home, school, work, or place of recreation.
4. Strange calls or letters to children, relatives, or friends.
5. Damaging or threatening to damage the victim’s property.
6. Being harrased through the internet. This includes hacking, questionable material or comments posted to social sites, etc.
7. Posting information and/or spreading rumors about the victim. This may be on the internet, in a public place, the workplace or by word of mouth.This would also include the posting of embarrassing photos.
8. Obtaining personal information about the victim. This is done throug accessing public records such as internet search services, hiring private investigators, going through the victim’s garbage, following the victim, contacting victim’s friends, family work, or neighbors, etc.
9. The stalker often knows where you were when you did not tell them.
10. The stalker often drives by your residence or place of business.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
