Many spouses live in fear that what happened could occur again. That fear is so real that they often react emotionally as if it was happening in the ‘here and now’ (e.g. present tense). The tendency to live in the future rather than the present can be a nightmare. Those living in the future often find their lives filled with fear and reactivity. Although planning for the future and living in the future may be good for business, it is not the best choice for relationships. Many times what you are doing and saying now in your relationship is more important than all kinds of promises that you make for the future. The positive intentions have their place. In terms of healing the relationship, spouses will look for what you are doing NOW. They want to know that you love them and are committed to them today. Commitments to the future of the relationships are good, yet doing something now is better.
For those living in the fear of “What if they do it again?”, you will need to shift your question to “”What can I do to prevent it now?” or “What can I do to improve things now?” or “How can I reduce the possibility that it will happen again?” These are subtle changes, yet will lead to profound results in terms of reducing the fear and living life in the present.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
