When you are faced with an affair by your spouse, there are often two different affairs that you have to confront. One is the affair built on your fears, the second is the actual affair. Fear makes things worse than they actually are. Fear often puts you into a state of reacting without thinking. When you are fearful, your mind goes into neutral and things spin out of control. Fear often keeps you from making changes. It keeps you mentally paralyzed and locked into a state of emotional torture. Although the mind may be racing with what you imagine, fear is designed to force you into a passive way of existing. It is designed to have you either react in a haphazard manner and keep you from making any meaningful changes. It is designed to keep you feeling like you are a helpless victim who can’t do anything.
In overcoming fear, you will have to use truth. Truth often cuts through the illusions that surround fear-inspired imaginations. You will have to tell yourself the truth about what you actually know. You will have to separate what you know from what you assume or imagine. Although the imagination is convincing, it is not ‘real’.
You will have to be honest about what you are afraid of and why that bothers you. Many times the reason something bothers you is more real than what you imagine.
You will have to separate the past from the present, along with separating the future from the present. Although those items from your past or your imagined future seem real, they are not happening to you right now. Your focus is needed for what you are actually dealing with NOW. That means that you will have to emerge from your passive mindset. When you are afraid, it is not the time to ‘zone out’ or give your marriage time for this to blow over while you remain quiet so as to avoid any problems. You need to get your mind, your body and your emotions in active mode. You need to get out of your comfort zone by making meaningful changes.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
